


a road map in your hands

by kaci3PO



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Demisexuality, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-11 11:06:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5624689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaci3PO/pseuds/kaci3PO
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>High school AU in which Barry and Cisco meet at a LGBTQ+ club at school. Featuring demisexual!Barry and bisexual!Cisco, lots of sleepovers, and an absurd amount of cuddles.</p><p>Started during Barrisco Month, now being continued as its own series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Previously on Barrisco Month...

**Author's Note:**

> If you read this during Barrisco Month, feel free to skip onward to chapter two, where the new stuff begins. If you didn't, chapter one is where you can catch up before moving on to the new stories.

**Part 1: "High School AU"**

 

Cisco isn't sure why he's here, in this meeting, hands shaking in his lap and unable to meet anyone's eyes. He's already too nerdy for the other nerds, too unpopular to even sit at the loser's table at lunch, and that was before anyone knew about him — well, about _him_. It feels like he's rubbing salt into his own wound by being here in this room, like he's handing ammo to the people who hate him most, but his voice is remarkably steady when it's his turn to speak and he says, in the general direction of his own sneakers, "I'm Cisco and…bisexual."

"You next, Barry," the group leader ( _"Bette, lesbian"_ ) says and the boy on Cisco's right replies, "Barry Allen. I'm… confused, mostly, but I _think_ bisexual?"

So far he's the only one who's actually admitted to being confused, though Cisco could hear it in the voices of at least three others. He'd wanted to tell them they didn't have to feel pressured into a label if they weren't sure, but that would've involved speaking directly to another human being in this school, and Cisco learned his lesson about trying that a long time ago.

"Being confused is normal," Bette says, and there's a chorus of relieved sighs from around the room. "You don't have to decide, ever, if you don't want to." She sounds like she's reading from a pamphlet or self-help book, but Cisco doesn't begrudge her that. She's a sophomore trying to lead a group of nervous and terrified high schoolers — half of whom are older than her — through something that doesn't really come with a manual. If she needs to quote the closest thing any of them have in order to do that, Cisco doesn't begrudge her that.

"Thanks," Barry says, and Cisco finally allows himself to stop staring at his own shoes.

Barry looks a little pale beside him, which is understandable considering how much he's risking by being here. He's already hated throughout the school for being the son of a murderer, but unlike Cisco he's not obscure enough to keep his head down and avoid most of it. People _know_ Barry, and they relish in taking every opportunity to remind him of it.

He doesn't know Barry Allen all that well; they've been lab partners a few times, mostly because everyone else pairs up and the two of them are left alone, but that's about the extent of their interactions. Still, everyone knows how much Barry gets bullied. Cisco can't even imagine going through all that and then still sitting here in this meeting, handing them more ammo, especially when Barry's not even _sure_.

He doesn't know what compels him to do it. Pity, maybe, or empathy more like, but when the meeting is over twenty minutes later, he turns to Barry and asks, "Want to go for a walk?"

Barry looks surprised, but he agrees, so together they start off for the general direction of their shared neighborhood.

For the first five minutes, neither of them says anything, hands shoved into their pockets and staring at their own feet, before finally Barry asks, "I know this is a cliche question, but...how did you know?"

Cisco doesn't need to ask for clarification. "Not to be gross about it, but I'd think about different people when I — you know, and from there I realized I _liked_ them, too."

"Oh," Barry says, with the air of someone who's heard that and many other answers besides a million times, and still not found an answer that suits.

"Why, do you not…?"

"No," Barry says shortly. "I mean...I do _that_ — you know, hormones — but I don't...I don't really think about people?" He says this like it's a question, and maybe it is, because Cisco's confused now, too.

"What, like you just see their bodies but they don't have faces?"

"No, I mean—" He sighs. "You won't tell anyone, will you?"

"Who would I tell?" Cisco asks. "I have no friends."

Barry gives him a sad smile and nods. "Yeah. Okay, I— I don't really picture _people_. I think about...emotions." He rubs the heels of his hands against both eyes and lets out a noise of frustration. "That sounds so _stupid_ when I say it out loud. I just mean...I don't think, 'She's hot,' or 'I want him to touch me,' when I'm doing that. I think about the way certain people make me feel. Like...love. And trust. And feeling comfortable and safe."

"I think a lot of people want to feel comfortable and safe," Cisco says, confused.

"But they still have bodies they attach to it," Barry says flatly. "I don't. It's like I can't get turned on unless I have backstory in my head about being in love. Like I don't even _want_ to be with someone like that until I feel that way. Like the thought of looking at someone and thinking about sex doesn't even _occur_ to me until I'm in love." He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "You think I'm a freak, don't you?"

"No," Cisco says honestly. "I'm not sure I understand, but I don't think you're a _freak_. It sounds nice, honestly. That's not how it works for me, but if that's it does for you, then that's good. Why'd you say bisexual, though? In the meeting, I mean."

"Oh. I guess because it's not just girls who make me feel that way. In love, I mean."

Cisco nods. "I see why you said you were confused."

Barry snorts. "Yeah. Hey, uh...thanks for listening, I guess. I know I made no sense, and I still don't know what it is, but I feel a little better."

Cisco smiles and nudges Barry with his shoulder. "Why don't we talk more, anyway? We're in all the same AP classes."

"You just always seem so...aloof," Barry says, after a moment's thought. "I never wanted to bother you."

"Dude, you are _so_ not a bother," Cisco says, though he's secretly pleased to hear he comes off aloof instead of lonely and pathetic.

"Yeah?" Barry says, grinning. "Hey, come over to my house for dinner. Joe and Iris won't mind. Joe will probably just be happy I have a friend."

A friend. Cisco loves the sound of that word coming out of Barry Allen's mouth. They could be _friends_.

"Okay," he says, "that sounds great."

 

* * *

 

 

**Part 2: "Guilt/Regret"**

 

As it turns out, Joe is thrilled to see Barry making friends. Not only is Cisco eagerly invited to stay for dinner, but he issues Cisco a standing invitation to return whenever he likes. And somehow, astonishingly, just like that, Cisco has a friend. And not just a friend, a friend who comes with a wonderful dad and an amazing sister who make Cisco feel more at home at Barry's house than he's ever felt in his own.

At first their friendship consists mostly of shared homework spread across the kitchen table, their heads bent together in study. Iris joins too, since she's in their AP English and APUSH classes, but she's apparently not interested in science so most of the time it's just the two of them, finding out that complicated equations get solved a lot faster with two heads instead of one.

From there it spreads to the living room, the three of them gathered around a console playing Mario Party until it's time to make dinner. Iris and Barry used to share the duties, but the work goes quicker with the three of them and he introduces the West-Allen family to his own favorite recipes, too.

And then there are days when it's _not_ the three of them, when homework is done and they're not in the mood for games, when he's invited into Barry's bedroom just the two of them. These are Cisco's favorite days, he thinks, because on these days it's easy to forget about the hell that is school or the stress of their homework. On these days, he sometimes pretends he and Barry are the only two people left in the world, and he's surprisingly okay with that.

Today is such a day, but on this day Barry's overly excited, tugging desperately on Cisco's hand to drag him up the stairs. He casts a glance at Iris, who shrugs, and gives him a look that Cisco takes to mean _rather you than me_. They stumble into Barry's bedroom and almost immediately, Barry is grabbing the laptop off his desk and pushing Cisco down onto the bed.

"Barry, what are you—" he starts, but Barry cuts him off by opening the screen and hitting full screen on a webpage.

"I found it," Barry says, almost trembling with excitement. "Cisco, I _found it_. It's a real thing and it has a _name_."

Cisco knows immediately what Barry's talking about. They don't talk about alone it very often, since they talk more than enough about it at the meetings at school, but it's not like he doesn't know Barry's never stopped searching. Hell, it's not like _he_ hasn't done some searching of his own. But without really _understanding_ what it is, there's only so much he can Google — just stuff Barry's said in quiet moments when they were alone, and that can only get him so far.

"That's amazing," he says honestly, and quickly reads the paragraph Barry's pointing to.

 _Demisexual_.

"Woah," he says, surprised but so happy for Barry's sake. "That's awesome, dude!"

Barry sets the laptop aside and throws his arms around Cisco in a hug. Taken aback, Cisco's hands hover awkwardly at Barry's side for a long moment before he squeezes back, holding Barry just as tightly. When Barry pulls away, he's practically bouncing with giddy. Cisco's heart twists in his chest.

"I found it last night," he says. "I wanted to tell you at school today but I was afraid someone would hear us. I have no idea how the rest of the school hasn't figured out about the club yet, but—"

"We have to protect it," Cisco says seriously. "I know. It's good you waited."

"But I _found_ it," Barry says with the air of someone who doesn't quite believe what's coming out of his own mouth. "I wanted to call you, actually, when I first read it, but I didn't want to wake you up. It was like, midnight or something by the time I found it."

"Dude," Cisco says, grinning from ear to ear. "If something this big ever happens again? Call me. Day or night. I want to be there for you."

"Yeah?" Barry asks. His eyes have gone sort of soft at the corners and Cisco thinks to himself _oh no_ as he loses himself in that stare.

"Of course," he says softly. "Seriously, Barry, this is so — important. I know how much you've wanted this. You're— you're my best friend. Of course I want to support you."

Barry beams at him, grinning a little dopily, and then says, "I think I'm ready to tell Iris."

Cisco's eyes widen. "You— you are?"

Barry bites his lip, but nods. "Maybe it's the — you know, finally having a name for it — talking, but I just feel...ready? I guess? For her to know?"

Cisco nods. "Are you going to tell your dad?"

"Not...yet," he says slowly. "I don't think he'd be upset, but I—" He stares down at his own hands. "I'm not saying he'd throw me out. He wouldn't. When I'm thinking clearly, I know that. But when I think about telling him, this — this panicky little voice pops up and says 'but maybe he might.' And — and you know he's never adopted me. I mean. I'm his son, _I_ know that. _He_ knows that. But I never...I never wanted to give up on my _dad_ , either.

“Joe _offered_ to make it official. To adopt me for real and make it legal with the courts and stuff, but I said no. I didn't want my dad to feel like I'd given up on him."

"Barry —" Cisco says softly, not really having any plan on where to go from that one word, but feeling compelled to let Barry know that he's here, that he's listening, that he cares.

"Anyway," Barry continues, "so even though he's my dad, and I _know_ he loves me and wouldn't do that...in the end, I'm just his foster," he says quietly. "I'm not eighteen yet, so if— if he _did_ throw me out, I'd have nowhere to go. I'd end up in the foster system. And I can't— I can't _do that_ , Cisco. I can't. So even though I know Joe loves me and he wouldn't do it, every time I think about telling him, some little voice in my head says ' _what if?_ ' and I panic and stop."

"Hey," Cisco says, turning more fully toward Barry and putting an arm around his shoulders. Barry relaxes into the contact and even after all these months, Cisco is still amazed at the fact that Barry trusts him, that he can have this effect on his friend. Cisco's never _had_ a friend before, so it's probably a normal, boring thing to everyone else, but to him, it's still something awe-inspiring.

"Barry, you don't have to tell him _ever_ if you don't want to. You don't have to tell Iris. You don't have to tell — well, you've already told me and the rest of the club, but you _didn't_ have to tell us, either. I haven't told anyone outside of that room. And I probably won't until at least college. We get to decide, okay? Nobody else. This is one secret we're allowed to keep."

Barry nods, and gives Cisco a grateful smile. "I know. You're right. I just...want to. I just want it to be something I don't have to hide. I don't like keeping secrets from Joe. I just feel so... _guilty_."

Cisco squeezes Barry gently, then says, "For the record, you're right, he wouldn't do that do you. But I understand why you're scared. D— do you want help?" He wishes he could take it back almost immediately. That isn't something friends do, is it? He knows sometimes people will have the person they're dating there with them when they come out, but friends? And if he _were_ there with Barry, would that mean _he_ had to come out, too? Cisco isn't even Joe's son. What if he told Joe he was bi and Joe said he wasn't allowed to come over after school anymore, like he was afraid Cisco would prey on both his son _and_ hisdaughter?

"With Iris?" Barry asks, then shakes his head. "No. It's — she'll be alright with it. But if I ever decide to tell Joe? Yeah, Cisco. Please, actually. I would — that would make it so much easier."

"Then I'll be there," Cisco promises.

The look Barry gives him is so affectionate that Cisco feels his heart clench. Between them, Barry's hand covers his, giving it a gentle squeeze, and his expression softens just that little bit more.

 _Oh no_ , Cisco thinks to himself. _Oh shit, no_. But he doesn't pull away.

 

* * *

 

 

**Part 3: "Movie Night"**

 

"Grab a Red Bull," Barry says. "Joe stocked up on them for us."

Cisco laughs. "That was nice of him. My parents would just yell at us to go to sleep at a decent hour."

"He's used to it by now," Barry says. "I've done this...six times, I think?"

" _Six_?" Cisco repeats, amazed. "I've never done this _once_ and you've done it _six times_?"

"Don't worry, I'll be gentle," Barry teases. Cisco's stomach flips over, so he turns to grab his can of Red Bull just so he can hide his face. Barry isn't supposed to make jokes like that. Cisco's worked very hard to rid his brain of anything connecting "Barry, my friend" to "sex."

"Eleven hours is not 'gentle,''" Cisco points out once he's sure his voice is steady.

"It is when you consider that some people do all the Hobbit movies at once, too. That's nearly twenty hours. You're lucky it's just Lord of the Rings tonight."

Cisco snorts. "Lucky. Right."

He hovers awkwardly, not sure where he's supposed to sit now that they're about to begin their movie night/sleepover-without-any-actual-sleep. Barry looks away from the menu screen long enough to pat the bed beside him, so Cisco tentatively sits down beside him, leaning back against the headboard and shoulder to shoulder with his best friend. His heart thunders in his chest and he takes a drink of Red Bull before realizing that's definitely not going to help his heart rate.

Barry hits play on the remote and produces a bag of chips from under his bed. Once opened, he sets it between them and Cisco realizes he's going to be very hungry twelve hours from now because no way is he going to reach for those chips and have one of those rom-com moments where their hands touch. He won't do it. He _can't_ do it because it would only be a rom-com moment for _him_. Barry doesn't feel that way, Cisco knows that better than anybody. Cisco's stomach flips because his best friend is six kinds of hot, but Barry's stomach doesn't flip at all — or, at least, not over something like this. Over falling in love, maybe, but not over their _hands touching_.

They make it through the first movie without incident and emerge from the bedroom for a bathroom break to find that Joe and Iris have already gone to bed. Cisco grabs his pajamas out of his backpack and heads for the bathroom while Barry goes to retrieve more snacks from downstairs. He's got his back to the door, pulling on his comfiest t-shirt, when it opens behind him.

He freezes, shirt still only halfway on, and finds Iris there, bleary-eyed and clearly having just woken up.

"Sorry," they both say at once. Iris mumbles something about how she should've knocked, and Cisco mutters that he should've locked the door, then he edges around her and back into the hallway to finish pulling his shirt on, allowing her the use of the bathroom since he was mostly finished anyway.

Barry's standing there by his own bedroom door, staring at Cisco oddly. "No big deal," Cisco says, nodding towards the bathroom. "Would've been if she'd come in a minute or two earlier, but we were both perfectly decent." Barry's eyes flick down to where Cisco's shirt is still rucked up, then back up to his face. Cisco shifts from one foot to the other and smooths the shirt down the rest of the way and passes Barry on his way back into the bedroom. As he passes, he hears Barry clear his throat, not like he wants Cisco's attention, more like something is stuck there.

During the credits of the second movie, Barry yawns loudly, pulls out his phone, and snaps a photo of the two of them. The flash startles Cisco into sharper awareness, and he only realizes that Barry is half slumped against him when he starts to stretch himself awake.

"What was that for?" he asks, nodding at the phone.

Barry shrugs. "Just wanted a picture of the two of us. We don't have any and I thought it'd be funny because we're both half asleep and stuff."

Cisco gets up, stretches again, and nods. "I'll put in the next disc. Send me that picture, okay?"

His phone dings to signal the arrival of the photo before he's sat back down — or really, laid back, since they've both been propped up by pillows for at least the last two hours — and he smiles when he sees it. They do look funny — both of them in pajamas and hair pillow-mussed. Cisco's eyes are only half-open with his sleepiness, but he's smiling, and Barry is all but tucked into his side. They look like a couple, actually, and the thought doesn't hurt anymore like it used to. Cisco's had time to make his peace with the idea that he likes Barry in a way Barry doesn't like him — in a way he's not sure Barry even _can_ — and now it's closer to a dull ache than a sharp throb.

What surprises him is the way his body fits against Barry's, the way he lays back down and finds himself naturally shifting towards his friend until Barry finally puts his arm up behind the pillow, leaving his chest available for any snuggles Cisco might decide to give. He wonders if Barry did it on purpose, or if it's an unconscious thought for him the way it feels for Cisco. Maybe this is just how their friendship works now.

He's not sure when he falls asleep. Somewhere around the fourth so-called "ending," probably, but the next thing he's aware of is waking up curled against Barry and finding that not only is Barry already awake, but he's watching Cisco and frowning.

"Sorry," Cisco says hastily, and starts to pull away. Barry lets him, but keeps ahold of Cisco's arm so that he doesn't leave. "How long have you been waiting for me to wake up?"

"Cisco," Barry says quietly.

"Did you manage to stay up to the end?" he asks. "Sorry I sleep-bailed."

"Cisco," Barry says again. Cisco stops and meets his eyes. Why does Barry have to have such nice eyes? It makes this whole thing that much harder.

"Yeah?"

Barry swallows. "Do you — is this — look, if I'm completely misreading this, totally tell me, but are we —"

Cisco picks at the hem of his shirt for lack of any better distraction and his heart pounds so hard he thinks he can hear it in his ears.

"I'm sorry," he says finally. "I've — I've been trying not to think about you like that because I know you don't like that kind of stuff and I _never_ want you to feel like I'm...I don't know, objectifying you or something, and I promise I'm working on it so that it doesn't happen anymore, but I guess last night was just...a little too much?"

"I don't think you're objectifying me," Barry says softly. "And I don't —" He rubs the heels of his hands over his eyes in frustration and Cisco remembers that first day, their walk home before Barry even really had the words, and he feels like a heel all over again.

"You're my best friend," he says quickly, "and I'm a thousand percent okay with it staying that way."

"No," Barry says, just as fast. "No, that's not what I mean. Just...give me a minute? Can I do the talking right now?"

"Sorry," Cisco says again, and falls silent.

"I don't...dislike that stuff," he says finally. "I just...don't like it the same _way_ you do. But I don't think you're objectifying me if you look at me and think it. And I...think I don't want it to stop."

Cisco blinks, trying to parse that out, but Barry corrects himself before Cisco can ask.

"I think I like you. Romantically."

Cisco stares at him, absolutely sure that his mouth has actually fallen open. He's probably right, because Barry gives him a wry smile before he continues.

"Sometimes it's hard for me to tell the difference," he says. "I don't think I realized it until last night. You know how for me so much of this stuff is about emotions? Like intimacy and stuff?"

Cisco licks his lips and suddenly becomes aware that he hasn't been breathing.

"Yeah."

"I know it probably doesn't feel this way to you, but last night when I realized Iris had seen you getting dressed...I know it's not a big deal. I'm not...jealous, exactly? It just made me think, 'I want him to feel comfortable enough to get dressed around me.' Is that a weird thing to think? It just made me realize that I wanted to be...intimate with you."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry. I'm not making any sense, am I?"

"You're making enough of it," Cisco promises. "You...like me?"

"Yeah," Barry breathes. "Is that okay?"

"That is _so_ okay, Barry. That is _absolutely_ okay."

Barry grins, almost shy, and kisses Cisco — just once, very quick, but full on the mouth.

 

* * *

 

 

**Part 4: "Confession"**

Dating Barry Allen turns out to be more or less like being friends with Barry Allen, except that now Cisco understands him a little better. Now when Barry holds his hand, he understands that it's Barry's way of feeling connected. Before, he told himself Barry was just overly affectionate. That this was just how friendship went with Barry. It's not like he had other friends to compare the experience to.

Barry kisses him sometimes, too, usually quick chaste kisses on the mouth but sometimes not, sometimes much more than that. These they save for behind the closed door of Barry's bedroom, until nervous touches turn familiar.

They're careful at school, of course, especially since Cisco's friendship with Barry brought attention to him that he never had before. He used to be more or less invisible, but anyone connected to Barry took some of the brunt of his bullies. He takes it mostly as well as can be expected; he's smart enough to not try to sass back, and he's got a good sense of when to duck a punch. It's hard to let it bother him most days; he's doing really well in school, he's starting to feel like an adopted member of the West-Allen household, and being loved by Barry is just about the best feeling in the entire world. Not to mention that since Barry explained demisexuality and the asexual spectrum to the club, two of the other members have realized they're somewhere on it. They both cried with relief during the most recent meeting and Cisco sat there, holding Barry's hand and feeling like his heart might burst.

That last part is why, the next day, when Tony Woodward shoves him into a locker and asks him why he's hanging around "that murder kid" so much lately, Cisco's first thought isn't _oh shit_ or even _ouch_ , it's _please let him not know about the club, please let this be because we're friends_. It's not like he wants to be here, a padlock digging into his shoulder while Tony's fist grips the front of his shirt, but he would do this a hundred times rather than let the rest of the club go down with him. It's too important. It has to be protected.

He doesn't bite back a sarcastic remark. He doesn't try to wriggle away. He stands perfectly still, barely daring to breathe, and waits Tony out. Thirty seconds is apparently all Tony's willing to wait for an answer, because he gives Cisco a good shake and shoves him hard into the locker again, grinding the padlock into Cisco's back. He's going to have a bruise there later, he can feel it already, and the pain of it kicks in his instinct to protect himself. His knee comes up on instinct just as the bell rings and the hall starts to flood with students being released from class. They arrive just in time to see Tony double over in pain before rearing back, his fist cocked and his eyes murderous. Cisco briefly laments the fact that he's about to die without ever telling Barry that he loves him when suddenly Tony goes staggering sideways, now holding his jaw.

Cisco looks up and finds Barry standing there, eyes wide with terror as it apparently sinks in what he's just done. He reaches out and grabs Cisco's arm, tugging him to stand behind Barry, shielded from Tony. Tony rounds on them, eyes glinting with rage so exquisite that it's like a tangible thing in the air of the hall. For one moment, everything is silent. Then Tony draws back his fist and runs at them.

A teacher appears out of nowhere and steps between Tony and Barry, holding both of them back. Cisco grips Barry's shoulder, hard, more or less scared out of his mind, and then they're all three being marched to the principal's office through the staring crowd.

Cisco and Barry are left sitting in the front office, alone save for the school secretary. She doesn't bother to look up when they're directed to the chairs before Tony and the teacher are directed into the principle's office. They sit there quietly for about five minutes before Barry reaches over and takes Cisco's hand in his. Cisco starts to take his back because they don't do this at school, they've been over that multiple times and have actually practiced not touching each other in public. It's not just for their own sake — if any of the other students knew they were dating, they might start looking into what, exactly, is the purpose of the club they sneak off to at the end of the school day. It's not just their own safety on the line.

In all, they're there for about twenty minutes before the door opens and they just barely let go of each other's hand in time for Tony to not see. He smirks at them as he passes, but leaves without saying a word.

"Mr. Allen, Mr. Ramon," the principal says. "In my office, please." His voice is grim and suddenly Cisco realizes that they're the ones who are in trouble.

They take the seats in front of the desk, staring up into the faces of the principal and the teacher, who are looming over them like vultures. Cisco wishes he could hold Barry's hand again.

"Would either of you like to explain to me why you were attacking another student?"

"I wasn't!" Barry says defensively. "He was going to hit Cisco! I just stopped him!"

"You punched him," the teacher says. "I saw you, clear as day."

"I was defending my b—" He catches himself just in time to correct to, "Friend," but Cisco sees something in the principal's face. Something like recognition.

"Mr. Woodward was responding to Mr. Ramon kneeing him in the groin," the teacher says firmly. "I saw _that_ , too. You didn't, however, Mr. Allen. You arrived _after_ that had happened."

Barry shuts his mouth and casts a quick look at Cisco. The proverbial torch has been passed.

"He— he had shoved me against the locker," Cisco explains. "He was hurting me and I just — it was self defense."

He can tell before either of them say anything that they don't really believe him. No one saw Tony shove him. They saw Cisco attack him and then Barry punch him when Tony fought back. The two of them stay there, not looking at each other as they get chewed out. Barry tries to defend them several times, which only seems to make it worse. Finally, Cisco puts a hand on Barry's arm to make him stop.

"We couldn't get ahold of your parents, Mr. Ramon," the principal says when the lecture is done. "Mr. Allen, your guardian is on his way." He pauses, then adds, "Mr. Ramon, since we can not reach your parents by phone, we're releasing you into Detective West's care. This is not usual procedure, you must understand, and is only being done because of the circumstances and because of who Mr. West is."

"Okay," Cisco says dully. He just wants to leave. He doesn't want to be in this room anymore. He wants to be at Barry's room, just the two of them. He wants to hold Barry's hand and know he's not alone.

"You're both suspended for a week."

Joe arrives ten minutes later, looking angry, but he doesn't yell. He just leads the two of them out to the car and then, in a voice that's alarmingly calm, he asks, "What happened. The truth."

Barry glances at him, indicating that he should start, so Cisco once again recounts what happened before the bell rang. Barry jumps in towards the end, explaining why he had punched Tony Woodward, and then silence falls around them. Joe doesn't say anything until they're back at the house.

"Cisco," he says, sounding tired. "I need to talk to Barry alone. Can you go upstairs?"

Cisco looks between them, but Barry gives him a quick nod so Cisco retreats up the staircase. He feels guilty about it, because he respects Joe more than just about anyone else he's ever met, but he hides just out of site on the landing so that he can listen in on the conversation. He justifies it by reminding himself that Joe didn't say he had to go to Barry's room, just that he had to go upstairs.

"Sit down, Barry," Joe says. He still sounds tired, not angry, and Cisco feels terrible for contributing to that. "Look, I have to ask. Why'd you do it?"

"Because he was going to hurt Cisco."

"And you don't think the teacher would've stopped him? He was right there."

"Not in time," Barry insists. "I couldn't — I couldn't just let him get hurt."

"You know I've always encouraged you to defend yourself," Joe says. "And if that's what had happened, we wouldn't be having this conversation. But you jumped into somebody else's fight, Bar. You shouldn't have done that."

"I had to," Barry says, his voice rising. He's not yelling, and he doesn't sound angry, more like he's desperate for Joe to believe him. "I couldn't just stand there and watch Cisco get hurt."

"I know he's your friend, Barry, but—"

And then Barry — Barry with his big heart and his unflinching morals and his feelings on his sleeve — says, "He's my boyfriend," and Cisco's breath catches in his throat.

 

* * *

 

 

**Part 5: "Free Day"**

 

Cisco stands, torn between getting to Barry and trying to decide if his presence will make the situation worse, until he hears Barry gasp, like it took him a second to realize what he'd said. That settles it for him, and Cisco is down the stairs and at Barry's side so fast that even Barry looks startled.

"I'm sorry," Barry babbles at him immediately. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have—"

"Hey, no, shh, it's okay," Cisco promises. "I knew you wanted to tell him."

"But I outed _you_ , too," Barry says. "You're _never_ supposed to do that, we talk about it all the time in the club. Cisco, I am _so, so_ sorry."

It's not until he says it that Cisco realizes the full implications of what's just happened, and he slowly turns to face Joe. He doesn't look angry, which is a relief. Cisco can't tell exactly _what_ he's feeling, but it's not anger and that's a start.

Slowly, Joe sinks into the chair opposite them and rubs at his temples.

"Okay," he says. "I didn't know— how long?"

"A few months," Barry says quietly.

"A few months," Joe repeats. "You two have had sleepovers since then."

Cisco's eyes go wide at the implication. "What? No! No, not like _that_. We haven't! It's not like that!"

Joe raises an eyebrow, and the skepticism is pretty clear on his face.

"We haven't," Barry insists. "It's not — I don't — I mean, I _do_ , when I'm in love — and I'm in love with Cisco — but I don't." He takes a breath to stop himself from babbling and takes Cisco's hand without needing to look away from Joe. Cisco squeezes it reassuringly. "It's not... _necessary_ for me. It's not that important."

"There are websites that explain it," Cisco adds helpfully.

Maybe it's the earnestness on their faces that does it, but Joe seems to believe them that they haven't been sneaking around having sex under his nose for months. That's something at least.

"I still don't think I can let you keep having sleepovers," he says slowly.

Cisco pales. If he can't sleepover, that means he'll have to go back to spending weekends at his own house. His life has gotten so much better since he got taken in by the West-Allen family. He doesn't want to go back to his own.

"What if I sleep on the couch?" Cisco offers. "If we haven't yet, you can probably trust us not to in the future."

Joe knows about his family. It's part of the reason he's been so welcoming in the past. Cisco can see on his face how torn he is between protecting Barry and protecting Cisco. Quietly, Cisco says, "You don't have to protect us from each other."

Joe sighs. "Alright. We'll get you one of those fold-away beds. I don't want you sleeping on the couch, it's not good for you."

"Where will you put it?"

Joe gives him a level look. "Where do you think? But I'm trusting you two to _stay in your own bed_."

They both sigh in relief and Barry's fingers tighten against Cisco's.

"Is that why Tony Woodward was bothering you? Because you're dating Barry?"

"No," Cisco answers honestly. "No one knows about that except us. And you, now," he adds. "That was just because we're friends."

Cisco swears he hears Joe mutter 'shit' under his breath. "And you had to stop him," he says to Barry. "Because it's Cisco."

"Yeah," Barry says quietly.

"Alright. I'm going to have to make some new rules for you two now that I know," he warns. "Fatherly responsibility."

"Okay," Barry says. "That's— that's fair. I'm sorry for not telling you."

"Hey," Joe says, reaching out to put a hand on Barry's knee. "Hey, no, kid. You don't have to apologize for that." He sits back and rubs at his temples again. "It's just a lot to take in at once." He checks his watch. "And I have to get back to work." He hesitates, then asks, "Cisco, I take it you're going to want to stay here?"

"Please."

"Alright. Behave yourselves. Don't do anything you wouldn't do with me in the room."

"Ew!" Barry says, laughing.

"Insurance policy," Joe says wisely. "Now if you _do_ try anything, you'll have that image in your head. See how far you get that way."

He's laughing as he leaves for work, which is more than Cisco thought to hope for thirty minutes ago.

They sit there in stunned silence for a long moment before Barry whispers, "I'm so sorry, Cisco," again.

Cisco takes Barry's face in his hands, tilting it up until they're looking in each other's eyes. "I'm not mad, baby."

"You should be," Barry sighs. "I can't believe I did that. I should've said, 'Because I love him,' or something that didn't implicate you, too."

"Barry— do you think I could've stood up there listening to you going through this alone? I was coming down those stairs whether you'd involved me or not. I love you too much to let you do this by yourself."

Barry takes Cisco's other hand, so that he's holding both of them, and squeezes. He still looks miserable.

"It didn't go so bad, did it?" Cisco asks gently. "I still get to sleep in your bedroom."

"Yeah," Barry says morosely. "But it's not the same."

"Well, you know," Cisco teases. "He has to protect our virtues and all that. Since it's so likely you'll jump me the first chance you get."

"I would," Barry mutters, and somehow, that's the second time in one day that Barry's said something that took Cisco's breath away.

"What?"

"If you consented, I mean," Barry says quickly. "I wouldn't — only if you were into it."

"I thought… but…"

"Wait, did you think I don't want—"

"But you—"

"Cisco, of course I want that!"

"You said you only... _want that_ after you're in love with someone."

"I just said I loved you ten minutes ago! Were you not listening?"

"Well, _yeah_ , but we're in high school, people say that all the time, but they don't _mean_ it."

"Did you not mean it when you said you loved me a minute ago?"

"No, of course I meant it. I just didn't think that you did."

Barry sighs. "Okay, we have _got_ to get better at communicating."

"Okay," Cisco agrees, "but can we go back to the part where apparently sex is on the table and neither of us knew it?"

Barry blushes. "I just thought you weren't ready yet and you'd bring it up when you were. I'd already told you that I felt that way when I was in love."

"I—" Cisco hesitates. "I don't know if I am, actually. But I definitely want to know that you are. That's important information for me to have."

Barry laughs. "Okay. So now you know."

"We don't have to decide anything today, do we?"

"No," Barry promises. "And it's not...I mean, I want to? But it's not super important to me. It's just...for me, it's a way to be close to you. And I have plenty of other ways to do that, so I don't mind not having that one for now."

"Good," Cisco says firmly. "Hey, if I'm going to stay here while we're suspended, I need some clothes from home. Walk with me?"

"You should just bring all your clothes here," Barry laughs. "You only stay home on school nights."

"Don't tempt me," Cisco says, and they set off for his house.

 

* * *

 

 

**Part 6: "Insecurity"**

 

"How do you know you're ready?"

Barry looks up from his math homework. He watches Cisco for a moment, trying to gauge how serious of a conversation this needs to be, then sets his textbook aside.

"Well…" Barry says slowly. "You know I'm kind of a hopeless romantic." Cisco snorts at the 'kind of' but Barry just grins sheepishly before continuing. "I guess it's different for me than most people. I mean, I know sex is supposed to be this end-all of the teenage experience, but to me it's not really that special. Well," he pauses. "No, it _is_ special, but not because sex is some great thing. It's special for the same reason that sharing a bed with you is special, or that holding your hand is special. It's just...another way of loving you. I guess...I don't know, I feel like when most people talk about being ready for it, they're thinking of their maturity level or if they're ready to be that vulnerable with another person. I haven't really been a kid since my dad went to jail for allegedly murdering my mom, and I'm _already_ vulnerable with you. I've never _not_ been. Intimacy has never been a problem of mine. So I guess I knew I was ready when I knew that I loved you and that I had these feelings for you in the first place."

Cisco pushes the books aside and moves up the bed. Barry knows what he wants without asking, and they settle down on their sides, Barry spooned up behind him with his chin resting on the top of Cisco's head. They're quiet for a long time, but Barry's fine with that. They have all weekend to finish their homework, and they've got a few hours before Joe comes home and they have to separate again. Besides, when Cisco's thinking, it's best to just wait him out.

"Do you ever feel," Cisco says, "like we've been dating for years, not months?"

"Sometimes," Barry answers. "I guess because we're always together. We have most of the same classes and you practically live here. We kind of skipped the casual dating part and went straight to the moving in together bit."

"Does that bother you?"

"No. Does it bother _you_?"

"Sometimes," Cisco admits. "Not...not in a bad way, I guess. I just feel like I should be more sure about this than I am."

"Cisco, this isn't a race. There isn't an invisible clock ticking down. If we stay together for the rest of our lives and never have sex, that's fine with me."

"I know. And I love you for that, but I _want_ to be ready. And sometimes I think I am. Then I'm not again and I can't tell if this is just nerves or— or if I'm really not there yet."

"Well, if it's nerves, we can deal with that. What are you nervous about? We could talk about it and maybe you'll feel less nervous. Is it like...the act itself?"

"No. I don't know, maybe. I've tried, you know. Thinking about us like that. I get to us taking our clothes off and then I panic."

"What, do you think I'll take one look at you and go, 'Oh, well, never mind then,' because I promise that is _not_ going to happen."

Cisco laughs, which sounds mostly forced, but Barry can hear a hint of genuine amusement in his voice. "Okay. I guess the next thing is that I don't really know what to do. I guess you don't either, but I keep imagining these horror stories where something goes wrong and we hurt each other and end up in the ER having the most awkward doctor-patient conversation ever."

"Would it help if we did research together?"

"Wouldn't that take the sexiness out of it?"

"No. I think talking about it beforehand, knowing what we're going to do to each other, is kind of exciting, actually. Anticipation is supposed to be sexy, isn't it?"

"Oh. Yeah, I guess that's a good point."

"What else?"

"I— I'm scared it won't be good for you. Or that we'll be there, doing it, and you won't be turned on and that's when you'll realize, ' _Oh, wait, I'm not really in love with you at all_.'"

Barry turns Cisco over onto his back so that Barry can meet his eyes. "Is that what you think?" he asks.

"Not— not most of the time. Just...you know, sometimes I worry."

Barry pets at his hair, feeling helpless because he has no idea what words to conjure out of the air in order to take this away. Finally, he leans down and kisses Cisco, trying to pour every ounce of feeling into it. Cisco makes a soft noise of surprise from beneath him but kisses back, hands immediately going to Barry's back to clutch at his shoulders.

Barry has no idea what comes over him, but he gets his knee between Cisco's legs and pulls back just long enough to see Cisco nod his head that he's alright with it. Barry rocks against him, not forceful but enough to feel good without scaring him, and feels Cisco harden against his thigh. He's hard, too, and when he leans back to check in again, Cisco's eyes are wide and he's panting breathlessly.

"I love you," Barry promises him. "And yes, I want to do this with you. Do you want me to stop?"

"No," Cisco says immediately. "No, this is — I'm good with this."

Barry kisses him again and runs his fingers through Cisco's hair, moving with Cisco as they set a rhythm together. It doesn't last very long, both of them too inexperienced and overly eager to make a production of it, but it's good. Really good, actually, and Barry doesn't stop kissing Cisco for a long time after, whispering to him over and over how good that was and how much he loves him.

When they finally settle, curled up facing each other with their legs tangled together, Cisco meets his eyes almost shyly and says, "Okay, so you changing your mind about loving me isn't going to be an issue."

"No," Barry promises. "And I don't want you to think I only did that because I had a point to prove, either. I've been wanting to for awhile."

"I know. I— I'm glad. It was...nice."

Barry grins at him, then turns serious. "Hey, if you want to talk about any of this, we can. You know that, right? If we talk to each other about this stuff, we can figure out how to fix it together."

"We're like an old married couple," Cisco sighs. It's a contented sort of sigh and Barry feels it in his chest.

"Is that a problem?"

"No. I like it. Thank you."

"For what? The talk or the orgasm?"

"Both," Cisco says, going a little pink in the cheeks.

"Anytime, baby," Barry promises, and kisses him on the forehead.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phones are stolen, brothers are bonded, and boyfriends are supportive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where the post-Barrisco Month new stuff begins. If you missed this series during Barrisco Month, check out chapter one to get caught up.

"Who are you texting so much?"

Cisco looks up from his phone warily, eyeing his brother on the other side of the couch. "Why?"

"You haven't looked up from that thing in an hour," Dante says. "Since when do you have somebody to text?"

"I have friends," Cisco says defensively. Barry was his friend before he became Cisco's boyfriend, and he's totally friends with Iris, too. They've played Mario Party together; if you don't hate each other after that, you can call each other a friend. That makes two friends altogether.

"Since when?"

"Where do you think I disappear to every weekend?" Cisco asks. "My friend's house."

"Is that who you're texting?"

Cisco hesitates, then says cagily, "Maybe."

Dante sighs and hits the mute button on the TV. "Seriously, what could you possibly have to say to a friend for an hour if you also stay there every weekend? Don't you get tired of each other?"

"No." Cisco can't imagine getting tired of Barry. Sometimes they fall into silences together, but even that's nice; just doing his homework beside Barry or watching TV with his head in Barry's lap is comfortable, even if they're not actively talking.

"I think you're lying."

"W-what? About not getting tired of talking to my  _ friend _ ?"

"About who you're talking to. Where you go. Do you have a secret girlfriend or something?"

"No."

Dante stares at him, eyes flicking from Cisco's face to the phone, probably looking for some sign that he's not telling the truth. Luckily, Cisco  _ is  _ being honest, at least technically.

Dante lunges at him, surprisingly powerful for a guy so scrawny, and both of them fall off the couch with a loud  _ thump _ . Cisco grips his phone as tightly as he can, pushing at his brother with the other. Dante digs his fingers into Cisco's sides, tickling him until the spasms make him drop his hand. Dante seizes the opportunity and holds Cisco's arms down with his knees, prising the phone out of his hand while Cisco struggles and bucks.

As soon as he has the phone, Dante's up and sprinting across the room, putting distance between them as he opens the screen and starts flicking through Cisco's most recent texts. Cisco's stomach drops to somewhere around his knees and though he sits up, he doesn't bother to get up off the floor. Dread is pooling in his stomach and he's not sure he could even stand if he wanted to. He feels like he might pass out.

When he finally looks up, Dante is frozen in place, mouth slightly open as he stares at Cisco in silence. Cisco watches him, waiting to see what he's going to do, but when Dante does nothing, he forces himself to his feet, goes to his bedroom, and calmly starts shoving as many clothes as he can fit into a duffle bag. He packs his laptop and his chargers into his school bag, double-checks that he hasn't forgotten anything he needs for school, and then walks back into the living room. Dante's still standing there, staring at the phone in silence.

Dante doesn't speak as Cisco approaches, and doesn't fight him when Cisco takes the phone back out of his hand.

"If mom or dad ask," Cisco says, proud that his voice only shakes a little, "you can tell them I'm staying at Barry's house."

"Barry," Dante says, finally finding his voice. "Barry Allen?"

"Yes," Cisco says. Then, more firmly, just so he's sure Dante understands, " _ Yes _ ."

"Since— Cisco."

"I doubt they'll even ask," Cisco says quietly, and then he leaves.

***

"Hey!" Barry says, all smiles when he opens the front door and finds Cisco standing there. His eyes dart to the bag in Cisco's hand and the one on his back and he frowns, but steps aside so that Cisco can come in.

"Hey," Cisco says, and promptly drops the dufflebag in order to throw his arms around Barry's waist and bury his face in Barry's chest. Barry immediately hugs him back, hands coming up to pet soothingly at his hair. He doesn't ask questions, doesn't demand to know why his boyfriend has shown up at his house at 7 PM on a Tuesday. He just stands there, holding Cisco tightly. Cisco is maybe, just a little, irretrievably in love with this boy.

"Come here," Barry says, leaning back enough to kiss Cisco's forehead and guide him over to the couch. He sits down on one end, leaving room for Cisco to lie down with his head in Barry's lap. Barry strokes his hair quietly, waiting for him to be ready to talk.

"Dante stole my phone," Cisco says hollowly. "Earlier, when we were—"

He can  _ hear _ Barry swallow. "Oh."

"I guess it could've been worse. We're not good enough at the sexting thing yet for it to have been all that graphic or anything, but...it was enough."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Barry asks. "Or do you just want to be here? You don't have to talk if you don't want to."

"There's not much to talk about, honestly. He kind of just...froze, like he couldn't process it. I wasn't going to sit around and wait for him to tell my parents or to start screaming at me. I just grabbed some clothes and my school stuff, took my phone back, and came straight here." He sighs. "I'm sorry. He asked me if I ever get tired of you. I said of course I don't, but do you? Get tired of me?"

"Not even a little," Barry promises. "Sorry, baby. You're stuck with me."

"There are worse fates," Cisco teases.

"You can stay here as long as you need to, you know. Joe won't mind."

"How about forever? Can I stay here forever?"

"Until college, at least. After that you have to come be my roommate. Sorry, I don't make the rules."

"Until college is good enough. I can live with that."

"Good." Barry's fingers trace gentle swirling patterns against Cisco's scalp, soothing him into a state of calm. His last thought before he drifts off into a nap is  _ 'How could I ever get tired of you?' _

***

"Can I walk you home after school?"

Cisco looks up, startling when he finds Dante standing over him. He didn't even know Dante knew where the library  _ was _ , much less how to get to it.

"I'm not going home," Cisco sighs.

"To Barry's, then. Can I walk you to Barry's?"

Cisco looks up from his book again, this time edging warily away just in case this is a joke and the punchline is yet to come.

"Why?"

"Because I want to talk to you about yesterday," Dante says, lowering his voice. Cisco's surprised at the consideration. "I know there's too many people who could be listening to talk about it here. And we can't talk at home, so…"

"You didn't tell them?"

"Of course I didn't." Dante actually sounds offended. "I may not have your brain, but I'm not  _ stupid _ ."

"I— Dante why do you even care? Just leave me alone like you always do."

"You're my little brother and apparently you've been having this...huge thing going on that none of us knew about."

"It's not that big of a deal." It's a lie, but Dante doesn't need to know that.

"It sounded like a big deal from those messages."

"We were just texting, that's not—"

"Not  _ those _ ones," Dante says, wincing. "The ones before. The ones where you two were making plans to live together at college, and what kind of dog you'd like, and how many kids you wanted to have. You two talk like you're married or something."

"Oh," Cisco stares down at the book again. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, feeling himself calm. "We're...just sure of each other," he says finally. "Look, I'm just not ready to talk about this with anyone. I'm not ready for anyone to know."

"Oh."

"Did mom and dad even notice I wasn't there last night?"

Dante hesitates, then says slowly, "No. But to be fair, you're almost never home lately, so they probably just assumed you were with— you know."

Cisco nods. "Okay. Good. That's— I don't know when I'll come back. I probably  _ won't _ unless they make me."

"Cisco, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel like you couldn't come home."

"No, it's not—" He bites his lip, then admits, "My home's been somewhere else for awhile now. Honestly that was just the push I needed to make it official."

"I'm sorry, Cisco."

"Don't be. I'm happy where I am."

"I'm still sorry."

Cisco wishes this conversation were not happening at all, because he's still not ready for it, but he's pleasantly surprised his brother is being so decent about it. It's been a long time since he thought of his brother as a good person.

"Thanks, Dante."

"No problem, little bro." He hesitates, grins, then adds, "By the way, the  _ other _ texts?  _ Get it _ , Cisquito."

Cisco's face heats but he's laughing, shoving at his brother who grins and walks away.

***

This has been happening more often lately, Cisco's thighs spread wide, Barry's hands on the swell of his ass to steady him as he grinds down into Barry's lap. Barry loves this for a lot of reasons, not least because it feels  _ really good _ , but his favorite thing about it is how confident Cisco is now. When they started, Cisco was nervous and unsure of himself. He carried himself like he wasn't sure he fit in his own skin. Watching him now, it's like night and day: now Cisco takes initiative, now he knows how to set a good pace, now he bites his lip and teases Barry with a grin on his face that Barry wants to kiss right off of him.

It doesn't hurt that this is a preview; this is a taste of what will come later in their lives. Watching Cisco roll his hips, Barry's breath catches in his throat because  _ oh, he's good at that _ . He's always known, aesthetically, that Cisco was attractive. That was never even in question, really, but the  _ way _ he finds Cisco attractive feels like it morphs daily. Sometimes more frequently than that. Sometimes Cisco is cute, an adorable smile with precious dimples. Sometimes he's gorgeous, the mere sight of him making Barry's chest warm with thoughts of  _ love _ and  _ home _ . Right now, he's sexy, hips moving strong and smooth, mouth fallen open in pleasure. Right now Barry's brain is short circuiting because all he can see is this scenario with fewer clothes and bodies even more in sync. 

He doesn't  _ need _ that, mind, but it's nice to confirm that if it  _ does _ ever happen, it's going to be obscenely good.

He surges up against Cisco, catching his mouth in a kiss. Cisco moans against his lips and Barry understands himself a little better: he wants all of Cisco, and this is part of him. It's part of the package and Barry is too in love to be with Cisco piecemeal.

"You have no idea how good you look right now," Barry tells him. He squeezes Cisco's ass gently and grins when Cisco's hips stutter before falling back into rhythm.

  
_ Huh _ , Barry thinks to himself.  _ That's promising _ .


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summer arrives, bringing internships, discussions about life after high school, and...distractions.

With summer comes an internship at Mercury Labs for Cisco and one at the CCPD for Barry. Neither pay very much, but Cisco leaves part of every paycheck in an envelope with Joe's morning coffee. He's done the math and supporting three teenagers can't be easy on a detective's salary. Iris is his own child and he took on Barry willingly after his mom died, but Cisco knows Joe more or less got stuck with him because of Barry. He doesn't doubt that Joe cares for him, because he absolutely does, but all the same Cisco wants to help out this summer while he can.

Having a job means time away from Barry, which is weird at first because with Cisco living with him and them being in almost all the same classes, they really don't spend much time apart these days. But it also means something else, something really, really cool: people at Mercury Labs actually _like_ him.

He'd expected to mostly be ignored. As an intern, he's mostly doing stuff like making coffee and handing lab equipment to the scientists. It would be really easy for the staff to overlook him, if they wanted. Instead, they go out of their way to make him feel included, taking him to lunch, teaching him advanced principles, giving him career advice. For the first time in almost a year, Cisco feels like he has a life outside of Barry, which is probably for the best. He's heard Joe telling Barry more than once that codependency isn't healthy, especially at their age.

"So have you thought about college?" Dr. Snow asks one afternoon. "Where you want to go?"

Cisco sets his fork down slowly and answers, "Well, Barry wants to stay somewhere in the city so he can be near his dad."

"And what about you?" she prods. She looks innocently curious as she takes a bite of her sandwich, but there was something distinctly pointed in her question.

"I'm going wherever Barry goes."

"With grades like yours, and the recommendation letters you'll be getting from us, you could go anywhere you wanted," she says. "MIT would throw themselves at your feet if you asked them to."

"I know," he admits, feeling a little guilty for it. "But I'm not going anywhere without Barry."

She frowns. She's one of the nicest people here, and easily his best friend outside of Barry and Iris, but the problem with her not knowing them is that she's always biased towards Cisco. And Cisco? He's biased towards Barry.

(He hadn't planned on telling anyone at all, but apparently he talked about Barry so much that it was obvious. The conversation had gone:

"I promised Barry I'd help him make dinner tonight."

"Barry? Oh! Your boyfriend, right?"

Cisco had been so surprised that not only had she guessed, but that she'd said this so casually, like she was confirming information rather than shocked or bothered, that he'd answered, "Yeah," without even thinking about it.

And that had been that.)

"Well," she says slowly, "not that I don't understand that you two want to stay together, but you really should think of your career."

"It's more than that," Cisco says. "Which...yeah, I get that every teenager in love says that. I know. I do."

"But you think that the two of you are different." She gives him a wry, almost pitying smile.

"I do," he insists. "And I know everyone says _that_ , too, but we are. I'm not going anywhere without him."

She sighs. "So I take it you're looking only at schools in Central City, then?"

"Yeah."

"Well, you'll have an easy time getting into any of the local universities," she sighs. "State has decent engineering program, but they don't offer a master's. I assume you'll be getting your master's?"

"Yeah," he answers promptly.

"Then you should probably at least look into Preston. They're not quite as good as State's undergrad program, but they offer the advanced degree. You could always do undergrad at State and then grad at Preston, but it might be good to do both at the same school for consistency's sake. Knowing the faculty will definitely help with your thesis project."

Cisco tears at the paper his straw came wrapped in. "You think I'm making a mistake," he says flatly.

She bites her lip. "I think you're a very bright young man who is currently thinking with his heart instead of his brain." She pauses, then adds quickly, "Not that the heart isn't sometimes a good place to be thinking from. It's even almost admirable. For someone as young as you to be so dedicated to his partner...there are plenty of people who'd swoon over how romantic it is."

"But not you."

"No," she admits. "I think...well, to be honest, I think you're something of a prodigy. I think you've been given a gift. In all fairness, the education you'll receive at either State or Preston will be adequate. You'll certainly be able to find a decent job and you might even enjoy your work."

"Then why—"

"Because prodigies are rare. Gifts like yours are _rare_. And whether it's fair or not, that kind of gift comes with strings attached. Obligations, if you like. To have as much potential as you have and not push it to its limits...think of the things you could create, Cisco. Thing about that brilliant mind of yours properly educated by the very best in the field. You'd surpass them all within five years out of college. To throw away all that potential to settle…" She sighs. "It might make you happy. I don't know. You and Barry might be the rare high school romance that actually lasts. But the world would miss out on so many innovations if you settled like that. And I know it's not fair to say, but...well. I think that kind of gift comes with an obligation to share it with the world and do your best to leave it a better place than when you found it. I'm sorry. I know that's not what you want to hear."

He stares down at his plate and swallows around the lump in his throat.

"He— he won't leave the city. His dad—"

"I know who his dad is," she says quietly. At his surprised look, she explains, "I read newspapers, it's not a secret."

"Oh."

"It's your choice, in the end," she says. "Maybe you could try long-distance. Or maybe...maybe it's a question of how sure about him you are, versus what you'd be giving up."

He nods, and doesn't speak.

***

"Who are you?"

Cisco's standing at the end of the hallway, unabashedly staring. He'd feel bad about it, but he thinks anyone would stare if they came home to find a half-naked man standing in his underwear, looking extremely guilty.

"Uh," the man says. His eyes dart to the door on his right — Iris's bedroom — and then to the bathroom on his left, like he's considering making a break for it like Cisco will just forget he was there once he's out of sight. He seems to decide against it, however, because he takes a step forward and holds out his hand like Cisco might actually shake it. "I'm Eddie."

"Eddie," Cisco repeats. He stares some more. "You wanna tell me what you're doing in my house? Or — pantsless? You can choose which to answer first. I'm not picky."

Eddie bites his lip, looks at Iris's bedroom door again, and then says, "I'm Iris's boyfriend. We— we met at work."

Cisco raises an eyebrow. "Her boyfriend."

"Yes?" Eddie says, like it's a question. "Um. Do you live here? Iris said she had a foster brother but you don't really match the description."

"I—" Cisco hesitates. "Yeah," he says finally. "I live here."

"She didn't tell me she had another brother."

"I'm not—" Cisco sighs. "It's a long story. Just— ignore me, I guess. Go back to whatever you were doing." He pauses. "Unless you were — well, look, the walls aren't sound proofed and I'm right next door, so."

Eddie pales. "Right. Um. I'm just going to go to the bathroom now."

"Good plan," Cisco says, and darts into his and Barry's room. He hesitates, then fires off a text to Iris: _ok not the best way to meet your new bf but he's cute, good job!_ He hears her phone ding in the next room and then a moment later, a laugh.

***

"Honey, I'm home," Barry sighs, and promptly falls face-first onto the foot of the bed.

"Hard day?" Cisco asks dryly.

"They let me go to a crime scene today," Barry answers, muffled by the blanket.

"Oh, yeah?" Cisco sits up, interested. "That must've been cool."

"A mom and her teenage daughter shot in their home," Barry says hollowly. "No sign of forced break in, no gun residue on either of them. Someone they trusted came in, shot them both, and then just...left."

Cisco swallows. "Oh. That's— I'm sorry."

"I knew what I was getting into," Barry sighs, finally sitting up. "I just...I've only ever seen a room like that once before in real life. My house, that night. I thought it wouldn't bother me so much, you know? I didn't know them. They're just names to me. And people are always saying our generation is desensitized to violence because of video games and TV. I thought I could just...separate myself from it. Turns out I can't."

"That's not a bad thing," Cisco says quietly. When Barry looks up at him, surprised, Cisco continues, "Barry, you— you have this _gigantic_ heart. You always see the goodness in people. To be honest, if you _had_ walked in there and not cared about what you saw...I'd have been worried because I'd have known you weren't actually the man I love. I'm not about that pod person life, baby. I don't have time for it."

Barry gives him a small smile. "Thanks. It just...it made me worry that I can't do this. Be a CSI, I mean. And if I can't...well, I have to be. It's the only way I can fix this."

"It'll come with time," Cisco assures him. "That's part of the internship, probably. Getting used to that stuff. That's likely why they let you come."

"Yeah," Barry says sadly. "You're probably right."

"Do you want to talk about it? The details, I mean. Would that help?"

"Not really. Honestly, I just want to not think about it. I'd rather think about something good right now."

"Hmm," Cisco says, and lets his fingers trace lightly across the bare skin of Barry's belly where his shirt has ridden up. "A distraction...I might be able to help with that."

Barry raises an eyebrow, a slow smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "That...sounds promising."

Cisco takes a deep breath, then reaches for the hem of his own shirt. He starts to tug it upwards, but stops when Barry puts a hand on his.

"Hey," he says. "You don't have to— I mean, we've never actually taken our clothes off before. We always...you know, leave them on. Don't do this just because I'm upset."

Cisco smiles and kisses him gently. "I've been wanting to for a while. Just working up the nerves, I guess. I thought we could take it slow? Just shirts this time? It's not because you're upset. It's because I want to. For me _and_ to give you something else to think about."

"Okay," Barry says quietly. He swallows roughly and sits up, reaching for the hem of his own shirt.

Together, they tug them up and off and Cisco sits there, clutching his on his lap, taking in the sight of Barry and feeling a little self-conscious knowing that Barry's doing the same to him.

"You okay?" Barry whispers.

"Yeah. I'm—I'm really good."

"Me, too," Barry breathes. He reaches out and hesitates, his hand over the shirt Cisco's still holding on his lap. "Can I—?"

"What? Oh, sure," Cisco says, and allows Barry to take it in the hand already clutching his own. Barry tosses them both to the floor and then there's nothing between them but tension and air.

"I love you," Barry says. "Just— I just wanted you to know that."

"Me too," Cisco echoes.

"Okay," Barry says, and then kisses him.


	4. Chapter 4

The absolute greatest thing about having long hair is having somebody play with it. Cisco has no idea what appeal he found in letting his hair grow out before he started dating Barry, but thank goodness he did because frankly he feels like a happy, purring cat when Barry runs his fingers through it. This is also why movie nights are his favorite, because it's the perfect excuse to curl up half in Barry's lap and have his hair played with for two hours. He suspects Barry doesn't mind, because they're up to three movie nights a week.

He sometimes feels guilty, though. Joe allows them this on the stipulation that they still sleep in their own beds. The whole agreement is based on the idea that he's putting his trust in them not to sneak behind his back to either sleep together or, well. _Sleep together_ . Which they haven't! If pressed for the truth, Cisco can honestly say they've never even seen each other with their pants off. Still. He knows they're violating Joe's trust, and after everything Joe's done for him, he does feel guilty. He, of course, has trouble _remembering_ that when Barry's sucking a hickey onto his neck, but still. He's guilty.

It's not like they're the only ones sneaking around, either — Eddie's become something of a fixture around the house whenever Joe's at work, and if their first meeting was any indication, Iris is frequently and heartily breaking the rules, too.

But she's Joe's kid. Barry's his foster. Cisco's just...that guy who lives in his house and defiles his son.

"You don't _defile_ me," Barry laughs when Cisco brings this up. "If anything I'm the one who's corrupted you."

"Yeah, but you only do it because you love me," Cisco sighs.

"And you don't?"

"It's one of the reasons," he says, grinning when Barry snorts.

Barry stops petting at his hair and leans down to kiss him on the forehead.

"I'm flattered," Barry jokes. "I think."

"I'm serious, though," Cisco says softly. "I feel so _guilty_."

"If it makes you feel any better, I think he knows."

"That...makes it worse, actually."

Barry shrugs. "Look, you know my whole...thing with sex and what motivates me about it and all that, but I'm still a teenager. I've got hormones just like everybody else. I may have to think about different stuff to get there, but I still have to _get there_."

"Is there a point to this, other than making me think about you doing that?" Cisco swallows. "Because not that I'm opposed to thinking about that, but we were having a conversation and this train of thought is definitely going to stop my end of it."

"The point is that Joe knows we're teenagers. Even with me being me, we're still...you know? It's kind of just expected, honestly."

"So we're just like everyone else who can't control themselves. That...doesn't make me feel better."

Barry chuckles again. "I just mean...I don't think we should feel guilty for doing something so normal. Especially since we're like...hyper-responsible about it. We've been together for almost a year now and you've lived here for about half of that. More if we count before, when you'd spend every weekend here. Most people our age would be having a teen pregnancy scare about now, but we're still getting used to seeing each other with our shirts off. By the standard of teenage hormones, we're practically chaste."

"Is that how we're judging this? By the 'we could be worse' scale?"

"If you don't want to, we don't have to. I promise, Cisco. You say the word and we take it off the table until you put it back on. I like sharing that with you but if this is really a problem for you…" He shrugs. "I just want you to be comfortable."

Cisco's heart clenches in his chest. "See, you say things like that and it kind of has the opposite effect because now I _want_ to do it. Now."

"Sorry," Barry whispers.

"Don't be." Cisco presses their mouths together and curls his fingers in the hem of Barry's shirt. "This okay?"

"Definitely."

***

"So I've been thinking about college," Barry says idly. He's stirring a thick, creamy sauce in a pan while Cisco slices vegetables on the counter beside him. "I checked, and all the ones in Central City with a chemistry and an engineering program require you to live on campus your freshman year."

"We were planning on doing that anyway, weren't we?" Cisco asks. Caitlin's voice echoes in his head and he determinedly continues cutting the vegetables and ignoring it.

"Well, either a dorm or an apartment," Barry says. "But anyway, the way I see it, we have two options."

"Live in a dorm, or…?"

"Well," Barry says carefully. "A dorm won't be a problem. We're both guys, so we'll just put each other down as our requested roommate. No problem. But...I mean...if we _did_ want something more apartment-like…"

"What?"

Barry clears his throat. "Well...most universities have a building of apartments on campus that they put their married students in."

Cisco slowly sets the knife down and turns to face Barry.

"Are you asking…"

"I don't know," Barry says. "No? Not...not exactly. This is not...I mean, I hope one day we will, and to be honest I kind of assume we will because we're us, but no, this is not me getting down on one knee and proposing. I kind of figured I'd wait until after you had your masters for that, honestly. That's what people do now, right? Wait until they're done with school?"

"I think. Yeah, usually. So what…"

"I'm just saying that if we would rather have an apartment than a dorm...well, it's just paperwork, isn't it? Or, I mean, it doesn't have to be more than that anyway."

"Oh."

"We don't have to decide any time soon," Barry says. "I just...I guess I just wanted you to know that if you'd rather have the extra space, _I'm_ not— well, I'm not completely horrified at the idea of being your husband in the eyes of the law, okay?"

"Okay." Cisco swallows. "But— see, the thing is. It's _us_. If we did do that, if we filed the paperwork...like you said, I kind of just assume we will one day, too. So if we did it for college...well, that'd be it, wouldn't it? For the rest of our lives."

"Yeah."

"We'd be eighteen years old."

"I know."

"Everything between us has happened so _fast_."

Barry finally stops stirring the sauce and turns to face him.

"It has," he says quietly. "But I'm still sure of you. Are you still sure of me?"

"Yes," Cisco says honestly. "I just— I don't think I realized before what that meant. Being sure of you."

"Cisco—"

Cisco sees the rest of his life laid out before him as he looks into Barry's eyes. This feeling, this rising bubble in his chest, it's not panic nor is it regret. He's just...overwhelmed.

Carefully, he closes the distance between them and takes Barry's hands in his.

"I'm going to marry you some day," Cisco tells him. "But not now, not for this. When I marry you, it's going to be in front of everyone we know. Caitlin's going to be my best woman, and Iris is going to be yours. Joe is going to cry and if I'm feeling nice that day, I might even invite my brother." Barry lets out a wet-sounding laugh. "And it's going to be because we love each other and it's the right time for us to get married. It's going to be real, not just legal. Okay? I know you weren't asking, but...I'm not saying no to the question. I'm just saying 'later.'"

"Okay," Barry whispers. "Later's good. Later's great. Cisco—"

Cisco kisses him hard and backs him into an empty stretch of cabinet. He feels desperate, like he wants to press himself into Barry until they're not two people anymore, until they're just one being and he doesn't have to think about Caitlin's warnings or where they'll go to school. It feels like Barry is thinking along those same lines, judging by how deeply he's kissing back, like he wants to crawl inside Cisco and never come back out again.

"Turn the stove off," Cisco tells him. "And take me upstairs."

"Okay," Barry says, nodding seriously. "Okay."

***

"Did we—" Barry starts, then stops and shifts awkwardly beside him. "Did we know we were going to do that?"

Cisco pulls the blanket up tighter around his chest. He doesn't know why he feels suddenly bashful about Barry seeing his bare chest. He saw a lot more not five minutes ago. And anyway, it's _Barry_.

"I don't think so," Cisco says slowly. "It wasn't bad, though, was it? Touching each other?"

His boxers are clinging to his groin, wet and sticky, and he really wants to get up and change, but that would mean walking around in his underwear in front of his boyfriend and he's still getting used to the idea of not having on pants in front of his boyfriend at all, much less walking around flaunting it.

"No," Barry says quickly. And then, a little more firmly, "No. It was— it was really nice, actually. I just kind of thought we'd...talk about it more before we decided to take our pants off? It took us a long time to work up to shirts but it seems like pants came off pretty fast."

"We weren't exactly thinking with our upstairs brains…" Cisco says, going for levity.

"No," Barry agrees. "Is that— I mean. Do you regret it? Because we don't have to do it again. Just because we did it once doesn't mean we have to—"

"You spend so much time trying to make me comfortable that you never tell me if _you_ are," Cisco observes. "Are you okay? I mean...that's kind of the first time we've ever actually touched each other. We didn't look, but we _definitely_ had our hands underneath—"

"Yeah," Barry interrupts. He swallows. "I— I can not begin to tell you _how_ okay with that I am. It felt— I don't know. The whole time all I could think was, 'Nobody's ever touched me there,' which isn't exactly true, I mean, parents when you're a kid, and doctors probably, but no one else _that way_ and then I thought, 'and no one else ever will,' because...I mean. What we said downstairs. Nobody else ever will, Cisco. Nobody. And I just kept thinking how not only am I okay with that, how kind of...intense that is? It's like a secret that nobody else knows but you and me." He sighs. "This sounds dumb, doesn't it? It's me and my whole...emotions not bodies thing again. I wouldn't care if someone else _had_ touched me that way, it wouldn't make it any less special with you, that's not what I mean, it's just—"

Cisco stops him before he can scrub at his eyes with the heels of his hands like he always does when he gets frustrated. He takes Barry's hands in his and gives him a gentle smile.

"It's because it's a secret we share," Cisco tells him. "Not that it's a secret in the first place."

"Right," Barry says, relieved. "It's the sharing. How do you do that? How do you _always_ do that?"

"I just know you." Cisco smiles. "And yes, before you ask again, I'm okay. I don't regret it. I just wasn't expecting it, so it was kind of a surprise when I brought it up. I hadn't planned on it or anything, it just suddenly felt like it was the right time."

"Yeah," Barry says, looking ten times more relaxed than he had a few seconds prior. "Exactly."

"Thank you," Cisco says quietly. "For sharing yourself with me."

"Thank you for understanding me," Barry whispers back.

"We should get back downstairs and finish cooking before Joe comes home."

"Yeah," Barry agrees.

But they don't move. They just stay there, holding each other, trading soft kisses in the quiet.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A visit to Iron Heights and a meeting with Dr. McGee.

"You can still back out," Barry says softly. "Go back out to the waiting room, or—"

"And miss my chance to meet your dad? No way. We've been together for ages and this is the first time you've even invited me."

Barry twists his fingers together. "It's not that I didn't want you to meet him, it's—"

"Hey," Cisco says, more seriously now. "You don't have to explain. I get it. If you want me to leave you two alone, I totally will."

"No," Barry says quickly. "I want you here. I'm just nervous, I guess?"

"You don't have to tell him if you're not ready," Cisco says quietly. "I get it. It's not going to hurt my feelings or whatever. I'm just glad to meet him."

"I—" Barry starts, but then the door on the other side of the glass opens and his dad is escorted in by the guard. Barry relaxes a little; the officer scorting him, Officer Thatch, is more lenient than most. The guard on their side of the glass, Officer Chu, isn't bad either. He's learned over the years which ones to avoid.

His dad smiles, the lines around his eyes crinkling more than Barry remembers from his last visit a few weeks ago. His dad ages in fits and spurts in his memory since weeks pass between each visit. The lines definitely weren't that deep the last time he was here.

"Hey, son," he says once he's seated and has the phone up to his ear. "It's good to see you."

"Hey, dad," Barry replies. He wishes there wasn't glass between them and his fingers itch for human contact.

"And who's this?"

Barry turns the phone sideways so that he and Cisco can both lean an ear against it and answers, "This is my friend, Cisco Ramon."

"I wanted to come meet this great dad Barry's always talking about," Cisco says brightly. Barry's heart clenches at how casual Cisco is being, how very much he isn't making a big deal out of the circumstances of this meeting. So many people would be weirded out by being in a prison, or having to talk through a receiver, or being separated by glass. But the way Cisco's voice comes out, you'd think they were back at the house, like Barry was a normal boy introducing his boyfriend to his dad.

His dad smiles and says, "It's nice to meet you, Cisco. Should I worry about what he's been saying about me?"

"He only says good things," Cisco assures him.

"I have to tell you, I can't say the same about you." He turns to Barry. "How long have you two known each other?"

"A little over a year."

"And this is the first I'm hearing of this?" his dad sounds genuinely surprised and maybe even a little hurt. "It makes me really happy to know you have a friend, Barry."

Barry opens his mouth. Closes it. Opens it again. Finally says, "Dad, I—" and then finds himself unable to finish the sentence.

"There's not much to say about me," Cisco says, and Barry could kiss him for saving him out of that conversation, except that kissing him would put an end to the  _ need _ for the conversation in the first place.

"Oh, I'm sure that's not true. Where did you two meet?"

"School," Cisco says, which is technically true. "We're in all the AP classes together."

"Oh, another science whiz! You a chemistry guy like Barry?"

And they're off. Watching them, Barry can't understand why Cisco's own parents don't care much for him, since Cisco's been awesome with both of Barry's dads. Barry watches, unable to keep the smile off his face as they chat like old friends. He thinks: one day, he's going to get his dad out of prison and then he's going to marry Cisco and then his dad will call Cisco "son" too.

"Hey, sorry, is it okay if I go use the restroom? Will they let me back in here?" Cisco asks ten minutes later. Barry's not used to seeing his dad this relaxed. He looks like he's actually enjoying himself.

"Yeah," Barry says. "Just make sure you tell Officer Chu on your way out."

"Cool, I'll be right back." Cisco stands, gives Barry a gentle squeeze on his shoulder under the pretense of clapping him on the back, and heads for the door.

Barry watches Cisco leave the room, still smiling faintly, and when he looks back his dad is watching him with a soft look on his face. It's the way he used to look at Barry when he was really little, and vague memories of that look drift up out of his memory to tug at his attention.

"What?" Barry asks after a moment.

"How long have you been in love with him?"

"What?" Barry's heart hammers in his chest and he nearly drops the receiver. His dad's face remains impassive.

"Cisco. It's all over your face, son." He smiles sadly. "I know I haven't been around much for the last six years, but I still remember what it looks like when you're in love. Have you told him?"

Barry swallows. "I— yeah," he says finally. "Yeah. We're dating."

The corner of his dad's mouth twitches. "For how long?"

Barry puts his head into his free hand and sighs. Reluctantly, he answers, "A year."

Finally a strong reaction from his dad. He chokes out a disbelieving sort of noise and repeats, "A  _ year _ ? Barry, you've seen me fifteen times since then. Why didn't you tell me, son?"

Barry shrugs helplessly and feels a panic rising in his chest. "I don't know. I— I wanted to, sometimes. I just—" He lets out a shaky breath. "I didn't know if you'd— I mean, at first I thought maybe you would be mad that he's a guy." His dad opens his mouth to interrupt, so Barry hurries onward, "Then I realized that part would be okay. But by then, everything was so...big. Big and serious and I didn't know how to tell you that I had this whole... _thing_ going on without you because you're my dad. You're my _dad_ , and you were supposed to see me off on my first date and now I'm—" He takes a deep breath. "I know it's not your fault. I'm not— I'm not saying it's anyone's fault. I'm just saying that it sucks and I didn't know how to tell you how huge it is when you didn't get to see it when it was small.

"He lives with us. We've already agreed that we're going to get married some day, when we're older. He— it— it's a lot. It's so much. And I just— I didn't want to spring all of it on you like this. I didn't know how."

"Barry…" He looks up. His dad has tears in his eyes and Barry hates how often this happens when he comes to visit. Just once he'd like to be here without either of them sobbing.

He puts a hand up to the glass and Barry presses his hand to his side of it. "Barry...it's okay. I'm glad you told me. Of course it doesn't matter that he's a boy. I'm just glad to know my kid is happy. You  _ are _ happy, right?"

"Yeah," Barry answers, unable to stop a small smile tugging the corners of his mouth. "He's— I'm going to marry him, dad. I know that's what everybody says in high school, but I'm going to. And I know that's a lot to spring on you since you just met him, but I— I wanted you to know your future son-in-law. I want him to know you, too."

His dad smiles. "If it helps you feel any better, I really like him. You picked a good guy, Barry."

Barry smiles back. "Thanks."

They neatly sidestep the fact that there's glass between them, that it was Joe who was there when the relationship was small, not his father. There's nothing they can do about it and they've had that discussion just about every time Barry hit a milestone in the last six years. There's no point in doing it again for this one.

The smile on his dad's face is quickly replaced by a more serious expression, however.

"I do have to do the dad thing, though," he says. "Sorry, it's going to be awkward so let's just power through it. Does Joe know you two are dating?"

"Yeah," Barry says, confused.

"So I take it he's set some rules down, since Cisco apparently lives with you? Which, by the way, I want to hear more about the next time you visit."

"Yeah, there are some rules," Barry answers vaguely. He really isn't liking where this is headed.

His dad levels him with a stare. "And are those rules being followed?"

Barry opens his mouth, then closes it again. Finally, he says, "Technically," which is true. They haven't had the kind of sex Joe was probably trying to stop when he made the rules, and they do still sleep in separate beds.

"Uh-huh," his dad says, clearly disbelievingly. "And do I need to have The Talk with you?"

"No!" Barry says quickly. He can  _ feel _ himself blushing. Talking about sex is hard enough with  _ Cisco _ , the person he actually wants to be  _ having it with _ , much less his father. "Oh God, please don't?" he pleads. "Joe gave me the basics a few years ago and I have access to the internet. Everyone involved is informed, okay? Research has been done. Let's— oh God, we really don't need to have this conversation."

His dad watches him for a moment, probably trying to read him to see if he's lying, but finally nods. "Alright," he says. "Sorry, son. Have to do the dad duties. Wouldn't be very responsible if I didn't."

"I know," Barry mutters. "But we're responsible, too."

"Fair enough."

"You really like him, though?"

"He seems nice," his dad answers, "but honestly that doesn't even really matter. I see the way you two look at each other, and this is when you're trying to hide it. I can't imagine the way he looks at you back home."

The door opens behind him and Cisco returns, all smiles as he takes his seat beside Barry. Barry watches him for a moment and catches his dad grinning at them and suddenly he can't help it, he takes Cisco's hand in his. Cisco looks at him, surprised but pleased, and jumps right back into conversation with his dad.

***

When Dr. McGee called him into her office, Cisco had honestly thought he was going to be fired. He couldn't think of  _ why _ , exactly, because he hadn't heard a word of complaint about his performance, but on the other hand why else would Christina McGee be calling an intern into her office?

He thought this — despite her speech about how Mercury Labs liked to secure promising talent by investing in the future — right up until the word "scholarship" came out of her mouth. Then his brain just sort of went fuzzy and he kept staring at her uncomprehendingly.

She had smiled, like she understood his reaction, and said, "Mr. Ramon, I am offering you a full scholarship to the university of your choice up to and including doctorate work, should you choose to pursue it, as part of an employment contract that retains your services for Mercury Labs for a term of ten years after your completion of your bachelor's degree."

"I—" he said, rather eloquently. "You—" She smiled at him kindly. "You're offering to pay for my education  _ and _ giving me a job?"

"I am," she confirmed. "I've looked at your grades and test scores, interviewed my employees who have worked closest with you, and observed the creative ways in which your mind works. I would be a fool to have you here in my employ as a teenager and then let you go just when you finally begin to realize your full potential."

"And all I have to do is agree to work here for ten years? That's it? I don't have to sell my soul or drink demon blood or—"

She had winced, but he liked to think he saw the tiniest hint of amusement somewhere in her expression.

"Yes, that's it," she had said. "No...demon blood. And your soul, if indeed the soul does exist, is yours to keep."

He had frowned. "Are you sure there isn't a catch? It just seems...too good to be true."

"You can take a copy of the proposed contract, if you'd like," she had said. "Ask someone to read over it. There's still a few weeks left before your internship ends, so you're more than welcome to take the time to think about it."

She passed him a thick document and as smart as he was, a quick glance at the page left only the impression that he wasn't sure those words were even grammatically correct in that order, much less that they made any sense. Maybe he could ask Joe if there are any prosecutors who owe him a favor and could look over it for him.

"I will," he'd said. "Thank you, Dr. McGee."

So now here he is, thick, pristine contract sitting on his lap. He stares at it blankly, trying to grasp the enormity of what it represents. She'd said a full scholarship to anywhere he wanted. He could go to MIT.  _ He could go to MIT _ .

The bedroom door opens and Barry walks in, looking tired as he tosses his bag to the floor and flops on the bed.

"I've seen enough terrible things today," Barry says into his pillow. "Distract me with something happy?"

Without stopping to think about what he's doing, Cisco shoves the contract into his own bag before Barry can notice it.

"Well," he says slowly, "Caitlin let me use her laser today."

Barry peeks one eye up at him and smiles. "Cool."


	6. Chapter 6

Barry's mouth is hot on his neck, teeth dragging against Cisco's pulse point and Cisco arches against him, breathing heavily, rolling his hips. Barry groans, reaching for the hem of Cisco's shirt and Cisco lets out a soft, whining sort of noise at the loss of contact. He shivers as the cold air hits his newly bare skin, but then Barry's back to warm him up by sucking a hickey into his chest.

Out of nowhere, Dr. MgGee's voice comes to him unbidden, " _Scholarship._ "

Cisco's eyes fly open and he jerks back, making Barry look up at him in surprise. His mouth is wet and slick and a wave of desire hits Cisco so hard he feels weak with it.

"You okay?" Barry asks. His voice is about an octave lower than usual and Cisco wants, more than anything else on the planet, to wreck him where he sits.

"Yeah," Cisco says, and shakes his head to rid himself of the memory. "Yeah, I'm good, baby."

"Good," Barry says, and reaches for his fly. "Alright?"

"Y— yeah," Cisco stutters. "Yeah, that's okay."

Barry pops the button and drags the zipper down, knuckles brushing against him. Cisco shivers and kisses Barry desperately.

" _The university of your choice,_ " Dr. McGee's voice echoes in his head.

Cisco jerks back hard and nearly falls off the bed entirely. Barry looks at him in alarm and reaches out to keep him from falling over, but otherwise doesn't make to touch him again. It's obvious from the delicate way he keeps his hands to himself that he thinks he's done something that Cisco wasn't ready for.

"I'm sorry," Barry says quickly. "Did I go too fast? Did I make you uncomfortable? I'm so sorry, baby—"

"Dr. McGee offered me a contract," Cisco blurts.

This is, perhaps, not the best time to be having this conversation. Both of them are half-hard, Cisco's shirtless, Barry's mouth looks like sin incarnate, and the flies of both their jeans are undone. It would be almost comical if it weren't so horrible.

Barry blinks. "A contract? Like she wants you to keep interning once school starts?"

Cisco shakes his head and stares down at his hands. "It's— she's offering me a full ride to any college I want, up to a doctorate degree, in exchange for me working there for ten years after I graduate."

Barry's mouth falls open. "That's...woah, Cisco."

"Yeah."

"Are you going to sign it?

"I'm—" For a moment, it's like Barry doesn't even know what to say. When he finally finds his voice, he says, "I'm so proud of you."

Cisco wraps his arms around his knees and watches Barry from over the top of them. Barry looks like Cisco feels, disorientated and confused and already aching because some part of him knows this conversation isn't going anywhere good.

"If I sign," Cisco says, "there will probably be a minimum standard for what college I can go to. They're not going to let their investment go to community college or whatever. There will probably be a baseline."

"Oh," Barry says softly. "What— what's the minimum?"

"I don't know. I have to find a lawyer who'll look over it for me. I don't understand any of it and I'm basically signing away the next twenty years of my life, all together. I need a professional's help."

Barry winces, shifts awkwardly, and finally just blurts it out, "We're not going to the same university, are we?"

Cisco hangs his head and feels like a physical weight has settled on his shoulders.

"No. Probably not. Not if you still want to stay in Central City. I'm— I'm pretty sure I can get into MIT."

Barry audibly swallows. "Cisco, I— I have to stay here. My dad—"

"I know," Cisco says quietly. "But I have to go. You get that, right?"

Barry's quiet for so long that Cisco finally looks up from his knees. One look at Barry's face and he wants to take it back, to say he's made a mistake and no power on earth could make him leave Barry's side. But he can't. Not this time.

"If we were married already," Barry says quietly, "and this happened, would you go?"

"I...well...no," Cisco says, surprised at the question. "You can't just leave when you're married. But Barry...we're _not_ married."

Barry sounds a little lost when he says, "I'm so _sure_ of you. I'm _going_ to marry you. Okay, so I haven't done it yet, but— but doesn't that count?"

Cisco takes Barry's hands in his, scooting closer so that he can press their foreheads together. He kisses Barry softly on the mouth and sighs when he feels hot tears on his face. They're not his.

"And I'm still sure of _you_ ," Cisco whispers. "Please don't cry, baby. I love you _so_ much and I _am_ going to marry you some day. Just not right now."

"I love you, too," Barry sniffles. "But four years without you?"

Cisco winces. "Six, at least, to do my master's. They offered to pay for up to a doctorate, but we'll see."

Barry laughs, a joyless, hollow sound. "Oh. Great. That's...I really am happy for you, you know."

"I know."

"I don't like not sleeping in the same _bed_ as you and you're going to be in another state?"

"You could come with me."

"No, I _can't_ , Cisco. I can't leave my dad."

Cisco nods. "Barry, I'm so sorry. I just...can't say no to this."

Barry hangs his head and nods, but Cisco can hear him still crying.

"Oh, God, Barry, baby, please don't cry. We'll get through it, I promise."

But Barry can't seem to stop crying.

Cisco doesn't know what compels him to do it, it's just the only instinct he has that's offering him anything like a solution. He cups Barry's face in both hands, kissing him deeply and tasting salt. And then he just doesn't stop. He just keeps kissing him, guiding Barry back down on the bed.

Barry kisses back, desperate and sad and clingy. Maybe they need this or maybe it's just the only way they can communicate when words aren't doing enough. Cisco doesn't know. He just knows that this time when they undress, they don't stop. They look at each other for a moment, all physical barriers between them gone, and there's so much sadness in Barry's eyes that Cisco can't bear to look at them anymore. He finds himself determined to make Barry's eyes fall shut, just so that he doesn't have to.

***

There are times when Barry misses his mother particularly badly and this is one of them. He loves Joe and he loves his dad but sitting here waiting for his dad to be lead to the other side of the glass wall, all he can think about is his mother's warm embrace and how good it would be to pour his heart out to her.

Of course, if she were still alive, he wouldn't have this problem in the first place. He could just follow Cisco wherever his amazing brain takes them.

His dad is all smiles as he walks into the room, but the smile is quickly replaced by a look of concern the second he sees Barry's face. Barry puts his head in his hand, embarrassed at making his dad worry and feeling terrible for ruining what must be a hard-to-come-by good mood. He doesn't see his dad sit down, doesn't see him pick up the receiver. He just hears his dad's voice in his ear, gentle and sad.

"Oh, Barry. What's wrong?"

Still not looking at him, Barry says, "Cisco's not staying in Central City with me for college."

"Oh, kiddo," his dad sighs. Barry finally looks up and there's so much tenderness in his dad's expression that Barry loses it, crying all over again and spilling out the entire story. He leaves out the part about Cisco's hands on him after, making it sound like they just went to sleep, but his dad gets the rest, unedited. He stays silent the entire time, which Barry is grateful for. He's not sure he could pick it up again if he had to put it on pause.

When he's finished, his dad is quiet for a few minutes. Barry can see him thinking, so he knows he's not being ignored, but it's disconcerting how long it takes his dad to speak.

"I want you to go with him."

"What? No, I have to stay here and—"

"He's not the only one who deserves a top-rate education, son. I know he's a prodigy but you're not exactly average in the brain department, either."

"Well, no," Barry says, shrugging. "But I—"

"I don't want you to feel like you have to become a CSI for me," his dad says. "But if you're going to, shouldn't you get the best education you can, to make sure you're the best you can be at it?"

Barry hesitates. "I can get a perfectly good education here."

"Perfectly good isn't the same as the best."

"Well—"

"You said he wants to go to MIT? Don't they have a top-ranked chemistry program, too?"

Barry stares at him. "Yes, but I'm not leaving you. He's the one who's leaving. He's the one who changed his mind about us. He knew from the beginning that I was staying here and—"

"And did you ever ask him if he wanted to stay in Central City?"

"He said he wanted to stay with me!" Barry says hotly. "And that means Central City."

"He's in love, Barry. He's seventeen years old and you two act like you're a forty year old married couple. Of course he'd want to pick you instead of his education. But that's not what's best for him, son. Ask yourself, really, don't you want the man you love to achieve everything he wants out of life?"

Quietly, so low he's not sure at first that his father even heard him, Barry says, "I thought that what he wanted out of life was _me_."

For a moment, his dad just stares at him, and then he asks, "Wait, kid...what do _you_ want?"

"Him," Barry answers promptly. "You out of prison. I want my family together. You, him, Joe, Iris, and me. I want us all together again."

"But what about your job? If it weren't for me being here, would you even _want_ to be a CSI?"

"I don't know. No? Maybe? I can't tell anymore. But I don't care about what job I have or where I get my education. I just want to be with the people I love. That's it. That's all I want. And I thought...I thought he'd want that, too."

"Oh, Barry," his dad sighs.

"I know," Barry groans. "It's not fair. I'm being selfish. I get it. It just never occurred to me that he wanted more out of life than what I could give him."

"That's not a failing on your part, kiddo. That's just...being a person. And you may not know what it is right now, because this…" He waves a hand to indicate his circumstances. "This whole thing has consumed your life. But one day, once I'm out of here, you're going to realize. There's something more you need out of life, too. Everybody does. It doesn't mean you don't love each other."

Barry nods, but stares down at the table instead of meeting his dad's eyes.

"Look, Barry...you turn eighteen this year. You're almost a man. This is probably the first big adult decision you'll have to make. I can't make you do anything anymore, so it's up to you. But I will ask you this. Take some time to figure out what's going to make you happy. Find what's going to make you the best version of Barry Allen that you can be. And then run to it with open arms, kid. Run, even if it takes you away from Central City. Follow him to Boston or go by yourself to California...or stay. But do it for yourself, Barry. Don't do it for me, and don't even — don't even do it for him. Staying for me or going for him...no matter how much you love us, it's just going to make you resent us in the end. So do it for you. Promise me that, okay?"

Feeling like the weight on his shoulders has gotten bigger since he arrived, not smaller like he'd hoped, Barry nods. His throat is too tight to speak.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A visit to Starling City, a lawyer named Laurel, and a hotel room.

"Thank you for coming with me," Cisco says, breaking the quiet. "I know you don't— I know this isn't exactly making you happy."

"Good things happening to you makes me happy," Barry answers. They're halfway to Starling City by now, and they don't recognize anyone in the train car, so Cisco allows himself to take Barry's hand in his.

"I know, but—"

"Who knows," Barry says, sounding lost, "maybe I'll end up at MIT, too."

For as long as Cisco has known him, Barry's had a singular purpose in life. Seeing him unsure about his future, it's...unsettling. Deep down Cisco thinks it's probably good for him, and not just because it means there's a chance they'll be together after graduation, but he doesn't say that to Barry. He needs to process on his own before Cisco butts in with his own thoughts.

Barry sighs and leans his head against Cisco's shoulder. "I'm really proud of you, though. This is a big deal."

Cisco swallows roughly. "Yeah."

The entire trip feels like a big deal — not just the contract, although that's the biggest part of it, but all of it. They're six hundred miles from home without adult supervision. Granted, Cisco's eighteenth birthday is only a few weeks away, but he's still only seventeen for the time being. And yet here he is, about to rent a hotel room with his boyfriend (its own set of obstacles given their ages, but one thankfully already resolved by Joe and a credit card) and maybe sign a contract that will shape the rest of his life.

With every mile the train passes, Cisco feels like he's speeding towards his future, and he finds himself more than a little terrified of what he'll find when he gets there.

***

"Hi, you must be Cisco."

For a moment, he's almost too stunned to speak. He was expecting someone older, but Laurel Lance turns out to look so young he can't believe she's already finished law school.  


"H— hi," he says. "Yeah, I'm Cisco and this is Barry."

"Nice to meet you both." She smiles, and he doesn't know why but he instantly trusts her. He's still terrified of signing the contract, but he knows in his gut that she wouldn't let him if there was anything bad in it.

She leads them to a desk in a small cubicle, indicating that they should take seats across from her. In the next cubicle over, Cisco overhears a woman explaining that she's about to be evicted unfairly and he winces. His problems are _so_ not that bad.  


"I've looked over the contract," she begins, "and you're right, there are more terms and conditions than Dr. McGee initially let on. She probably assumes they aren't worth mentioning because to her, they're probably pretty standard, but for you...well, it's your life. You need to know what you're agreeing to."

"Right," Cisco says nervously. "So what are the other requirements?"

Laurel flips through a few pages of the contract and starts going through what she's found. "First, included in the scholarship is a monthly stipend."

"Stipend?"

"Like a paycheck, except instead of having a job, you go to school."

"But...why are they paying me on top of everything else?"

She smiles. "Exactly the right question to ask." She flips to another page. "You're also agreeing to not hold a job anywhere outside of Mercury Labs until the term of the contract ends. That means you can't intern anywhere, you can't take a part time job selling sandwiches, you can't become a TA once you enter grad school...nothing."

"Oh," Cisco says slowly. "So they're paying me...not to work?"

"Yes. They want you focused on your studies. But of course, you'll need money to live off of on top of the scholarship, hence the stipend."

"That doesn't sound so bad."

"No, it's not. But it's stuff you need to know. Especially the no other internships part. They don't want their competition seeing how good you are."

"Oh. Uh. Yeah, okay."

She flips through a few more pages. "Now, you were asking about the caliber of school you'll be required to attend? You were right, there is a clause about that. You're allowed to pick your own university, but the contract stipulates that it has to be ranked within the top twenty schools for engineering according to— well, then it lists some of the rankings boards that they will consider official, but MIT is on all of them, so you're good there. There's also a clause that says you can go international, if you'd like, but again, it has to be ranked.

And of course, there's also a clause about your grades. You have to maintain a B or higher in all your classes and there's a bonus for every semester with straight As." She flips a few more pages, nearing the end of the contract now. "Once you hit grad school, they'll have you working there during the summers. As for your doctorate, they will pay for it if you choose to pursue it, but they don't require you to get it. Terms for the doctorate are pretty much the same as when you're in grad school, except that they'll give you another bonus if you do choose to get it. The ten years of employment starts when you graduate from undergrad, even though you'll only be part time during the summers, which is generous. They could've started the ten years with whenever you finish school. So basically the next fourteen years of your life are tied to Mercury Labs if you sign this."

She finally looks up, letting the sheets of paper fall back into a neat stack. Cisco stares at her, uncomprehendingly.

"A bonus for As," he says, voice cracking, "and another for getting my doctorate, and— and how much is the monthly stipend already?" She flips through the document again, then turns it to face him and points. "Holy shit," he says. Then, "Sorry."

She smiles. "No, I agree. You must be a certifiable genius to warrant this much effort to keep you out of their competitor's hands and in their employ."

Cisco feels his face heat. He can't find appropriate words without sounding like an egotistical jerk.

"He is," Barry says beside him, and when Cisco glances over he's surprised to find that Barry is actually beaming at him with pride.

"Well," she says, "there's really nothing in here that gives me pause, provided you're alright with the terms I just told you. I think you _could_ negotiate for a higher monthly stipend, but you seem like you're alright with it as-is?"

"Yeah." Cisco nods vigorously. "That's— that's way more than enough."

"Then I think you're good," she says.

"So do I sign it now, or does it have to be in front of them?"

"Well, you do need witnesses, but no, you can't sign it now. You're still only seventeen, and contracts signed by minors aren't legally enforceable in most cases. They'll want to wait until your birthday, since it should be coming up soon. Once you turn eighteen, they'll probably have you go into the office and sign in front of their lawyers and proper witnesses. Make sure you only sign this contract, and nothing else. I can only advise you on what I've seen, so if they give you something else to sign, it might have anything in it at all." She pauses. "I don't  _ think _ they will, though. Like I said, this contract is more than fair. It's generous, even. I don't think they're trying to trick you, they just want to make sure you aren't working for their competitors and besting them in the future."

Cisco nods. "Okay. I can do that. Only sign this."

"Right. Do you have any questions?"

"Um…" He thinks long and hard about it, then asks, "it doesn't say anything in there about them making me build weapons or bombs or anything, does it? Like they get to use my brain for evil?"

She laughs, then quickly covers her mouth with her hand. "No, definitely not."

"Okay. I think I'm good then."

She passes the contract back to him and watches him thoughtfully. After a moment, she says, "Just be sure this is what you want before you sign it. It's an excellent opportunity, but fourteen years is a long time, so be sure before you take it."

"I will," he promises. "I  _ am _ ."

"Then congratulations on your scholarship," she says, beaming at him.

***

"You okay?" Cisco asks when they get back to the hotel. "I know that can't have been fun for you."

Barry shrugs, then, in a voice that's not nearly as lighthearted as he probably thinks it is, says, "Well, if nothing else, it was fun to find out I'll be marrying into money." He gives Cisco a small smile. "Sugar daddy."

Cisco can't help it, he falls for it and laughs, clutching at his sides at the mere idea of it. Barry grins at him, a little more real now, and pushes him onto his back on the bed. Cisco lands with a thump, still laughing until Barry straddles his lap and starts idly plucking at the buttons on Cisco's jacket. That gets him to fall quiet.  


Cisco swallows. "Don't tell me that's a thing for you," he says lightly. "Because I won't get a dime of the money for another year."

Barry laughs and shakes his head. "No. No, not the money. I just...I don't know. It's kind of...I really am proud of you, you know." He gets the jacket undone and pushes it off Cisco's shoulders. He shrugs. "Turns out I'm kind of into other people seeing how awesome you are. It's like…'Yes, exactly! My boyfriend  _ is _ super smart and cute and amazing!' Except that I have ways to tell you that are way more fun. Is that weird?"

"No," Cisco says. "No, I don't think it's weird."

"Good," Barry says, and reaches up to unbutton his own shirt.

"Hey, Barry?"

Barry stops and looks up at him, fingers still hovering over the buttons on his shirt. Cisco swallows and wills himself to not trip over his words. This is  _ Barry _ . There's nothing on this earth Cisco can't tell him, no thought too embarrassing, no truth not worth telling. If he doesn't say this now, he'll still have to say it eventually, and why not now, anyway? He's ready.

"Can we—" He licks his lips. "I think—"

"Hm?" Barry drops his hands from his shirt, which is so not the direction Cisco wants this to go in.

Cisco kisses him, mostly to remind himself of where he is and who he's with, and pulls back only enough to separate their mouths so that he can speak. He keeps his eyes closed and his forehead pressed to Barry's as he starts to talk; they're so close that his lips still brush against Barry's in a not-quite kiss.

"I don't want to stop this time," he says, his heart beating very fast. "I want— I mean. I'm ready for us to…" He sighs. "I'm not saying we  _ have  _ to, but if you _want_ to keep going this time...so do I."

"Oh," Barry says. He sounds like he's just been hit by a ton of bricks.

Cisco finally opens his eyes and Barry's looking right into them. Cisco can feel Barry's pulse pounding against his hands.

"I brought—" Cisco's face heats. "I've been thinking about it for awhile," he says. "And I thought it would be better here? We don't have to worry about anyone coming home and interrupting us. So I um. Came prepared. In case you wanted to."

"Yes," Barry breathes. "Yes, I've wanted to for—  _ Yes _ , Cisco. But are you _sure_? You're not doing this because of the college stuff or the contract or—"

"I'm sure," he confirms. "Because I— I don't know, Barry. I've just been thinking lately about how there's no part of me I don't want to give you. I want you to have the big parts and the small parts and—"

"And the medium parts?" Barry suggests.

Cisco laughs. "Yeah. The medium parts, too. Especially the medium parts. They're the best ones."

Barry runs his fingers through Cisco's hair and asks, "What if we're really bad at this?"

"We've been bad at everything else the first few times." Cisco shrugs. "We'll just have to keep practicing."

"I'm not opposed to that," Barry says lightly. His voice is deeper than usual and Cisco feels a fire start to ignite low in his belly.

Barry kisses him, slow and sweet, and it's no different than any other day. This is just them, just their bodies speaking when their mouths can not. Like Barry said, this is just another way for them to love each other.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The afterglow, the contract, and the birthday.

"How—" Barry stops and clears his throat. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Cisco pulls the blanket up higher over his chest and shivers in the cool air of their hotel room.

"I mean," Barry says. Cisco can see Barry's fingers twisting together in his lap, unsure and unsteady. He reaches over with one hand and covers Barry's to make him stop.

"I mean," Barry tries again, "I know it seemed like it got better, towards the end, but at first… I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No!" Cisco says quickly. "No, baby, of course you didn't."

"Are you sure? It just—"

Cisco finally looks over at Barry and meets his eyes. "You didn't hurt me, Barry," he says firmly. "It's...weird at first? But then it gets better and then— well, you saw, towards the end."

Barry smiles faintly. "So you liked it?"

"Yeah. Absolutely yes."

"I liked it, too," Barry says, blushing.

"I could tell," Cisco whispers.

Barry buries his face in the crook of Cisco's shoulder. He's pressed against Cisco, head to foot, and Cisco can feel every inch of him. He reaches out and runs his hand down Barry's side, over his hip and into the dip of his thighs. Images of those thighs pressed against him flash into his head and heat rises to his face.

Had that really just been an hour ago? It feels like an eternity, almost like it happened to someone else entirely and Cisco has only inherited the memory. Despite spending so much time thinking about it, actually being there in the moment had felt surreal.

He'd been so busy thinking about  _ what _ he was doing and  _ how _ that he hadn't thought of  _ who _ . Sex with Barry isn't usually like that at all; this they were each too busy with what they were doing to even concentrate on each other. It had felt awesome, but it wasn't... _ them _ .

"Barry," Cisco says quietly. "Can we— can we try that again? Only this time can we just— can we just focus on each other like we usually do?"

Barry looks up at him with something akin to relief in his eyes. " _ Yes _ ," he says, and Cisco can hear it in his voice; he knows something was off, too. "If you're okay to try again?"

"I'm good," Cisco promises, and eagerly lets himself be pinned to the mattress under Barry's comfortable warmth.

***

"Better," Cisco pants, forehead pressed to Barry's. He tips his mouth up against Barry's, kissing him for the few seconds he can stand before he needs to breathe again. "Much— much better."

"You're a genius," Barry says, with feeling.

"That's why we're here."

***

It's strange to be sitting in this room again, all things considered, but when Bette goes around the circle for introductions, Cisco smiles and gives his. He wouldn't call it confidence, per se, because outside of this room he's still terrified at school, but it's a sense of...knowing himself, really, of not just being sure but being at peace with it.

"Cisco Ramon, bisexual, and totally gonna marry this guy some day," he tilts his head towards Barry, as though their entwined hands didn't do a good enough job already, "so everybody who's into dudes, sorry, but I got here first."

Bette rolls her eyes, but turns to Barry, who laughs and says, "Barry Allen, demisexual, and uh, same."

Barry hadn't actually wanted to come. Not that Cisco can blame him, since they have a lot on their minds and Cisco's supposed to sign his contract with Mercury Labs in less than a week. But this room, this club...it's bigger than they are. Why  _ wouldn't _ they come?

"We're practically the poster children for its success," Cisco had pointed out. "We have to go. There's going to be new people this year and they're going to be scared, and wouldn't it be nice to be able to...I don't know, be role models or something? Give them a little hope that things can turn out okay?"

"I don't  _ want _ to be anyone's role model," Barry had sighed. "Loving you is not...it's not some political act, it's— it's part of me. In my gut and in my bones."

"Okay," Cisco had sighed. "I get that. Totally fair. But— Barry, that room is so important to me."

Barry had turned to him then, eyes going soft.

"Before that room, I didn't have any friends," Cisco whispers. "Not even— I know it was bad for you, too. I do. But at  _ least _ you had Iris and Joe. I had  _ nobody _ . And now— now I have you. I have Joe and Iris, and— I mean, he's still horrible, but at least I know there's some part of him that cares about me — I even have  _ Dante _ . And no, I'm not best friends with most of the people in the club, but we can count on them, can't we? If not friends, they're still  _ something _ to us."

Barry's arms had been warm when they'd wrapped around him and he'd kissed the top of Cisco's head.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I just...I'm distracted right now."

"It's okay to be distracted," Cisco had said. "You don't have to go if you don't want to. I can go by myself. I know you've got a lot to be thinking about right now."

"So do you," Barry had answered. "The next fourteen years of your life."

"Maybe—" Cisco had pulled back enough to meet Barry's eyes. "Maybe that's  _ why _ we should go. Maybe we need a break from thinking about the future. Maybe we should...I don't know. Remember where it started? And think about where we are now? If I'd known last year that I would be not only dating someone, but that when I looked into my future, he would be the only thing I was absolutely sure of...maybe we should give ourselves an afternoon to remember that."

So here they are.

Bette moves on around the rest of the circle and Cisco watches the new members tremble as they state their name. He remembers being here a year ago and feeling the same, but he can't imagine how. He's not the same person who walked into this room that day. Had he ever really been nervous just to ask Barry if he'd like to walk home together? The same Barry he's given everything he has? The one he's already planning on spending the rest of his life with?

Suddenly signing the contract with Mercury Labs feels  _ easy _ . What's fourteen years when he's already promised his entire life to someone? It seems so  _ small _ in comparison. If Barry does stay in Central City, they can survive that. A few years for the rest of their lives is a fair exchange. If he does this, he'll have enough money that he can provide a safe home for Barry. He can hire the best lawyers in the business to work on Henry's case. He can pay Joe back for the years of being his surrogate father out of nothing more than the kindness of his heart.

The life he wants in exchange for the possibility of maybe spending a few years being apart. It's a deal. Just show him where to sign.

***

Even with both Barry and Caitlin at his side, Cisco still feels impossibly small as he sits across Dr. McGee's desk with his contract in front of him. There are five people flanking either side of her, and he assumes they all have a reason for being here, but it's intimidating as hell to be committing to this with so many people staring him down.

"So I just...sign it?" he asks. "And then it'll be legal?"

"That's right," Dr. McGee confirms. "There will of course be forms for you to send in once you have your acceptance letter, so that we can ensure the funds for your scholarship get sent to the right university, but yes, Mr. Ramon. It will be legal as soon as you sign your name."

Automatically, he glances up at Barry, who's standing on his left, one hand on Cisco's shoulder in a comforting show of silent support. Barry gives him what he probably thinks is an encouraging look, and squeezes his shoulder gently. On Cisco's right side, Caitlin is beaming at him, looking proud and seconds away from hugging him.

Cisco looks back to Barry, whose face has gone a little pale as he watches Cisco put the tip of the pen to the paper. "I love you," Cisco says impulsively. He needs Barry to know that before he signs his name.

Barry swallows, nods, and says, "I love you, too."

Cisco signs.

No sooner has his pen left the paper than Caitlin throws her arms around him in an excited hug, but Cisco has eyes only for Barry. He returns her hug briefly, then turns to Barry and takes both his hands.

"I know it doesn't seem like it, but I did that for us."

"I know," Barry says, and to his credit there's only a hint of sullenness there.

"Please be okay with this," Cisco begs. "I don't want to do this without you."

"You'll always have me," Barry promises. "Always."

Cisco kisses him, just once, not caring that he's in front of his future (or current?) boss, or his future co-workers. He's the wunderkind here, let them deal with it.

When they break apart, Barry grips his hand fiercely, and Cisco can't imagine how it feels to finally have a stable family and suddenly feel like it's falling apart again, after all Barry's been through. All he wants is to take Barry home and hold him until Barry finds his way back to the rock solid center of who they are.

When he looks up, Dr. McGee is looking — well, not amused, because he's not entirely sure she's capable of that emotion, but there's something kind in her eyes that lets him trust her a little more.

"If you have no further questions, that's all we need for now, Mr. Ramon," she says. He turns to go but pulls up short when she adds, "Oh, and by the way. Happy birthday."

***

He and Barry agreed to celebrate his birthday on the weekend, given that the contract signing wasn't likely to put either of them in the mood for much of a party, so Cisco's surprised when they get home and find a hand drawn "Happy Birthday, Cisco!" banner strewn across the living room and a cake resting on the table. Cisco stops in the doorway with Barry, eyes darting from Eddie (who he suspects drew the banner) and Iris to Joe, and has one brief second to be touched by the effort. Then he double-takes back to Joe, who has an extremely anxious and worried look on his face.

It's instinct that makes Cisco grip Barry's hand. After all the time they've spent together, Barry's presence is a comfort and source of strength.

"What's—"

"They wouldn't leave," Joe says. He sounds frantic.

"Who—"

And then Cisco finally notices his parents standing in the doorway to the kitchen, and simultaneously regrets reaching for Barry's hand and thanking God he did, because if he hadn't, he might very well faint on the spot.

"Shit," he says softly. "They finally noticed."


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two conversations, both long overdue.

"Cisco?" his mother's voice feels like it's coming from miles away, even though she's standing only maybe fifteen feet away. His knees feel like they're going to buckle and it's only by the grace of Barry at his side that Cisco doesn't collapse right then and there. This is all wrong. They're not supposed to be here. They don't  _ care _ what Cisco does, they never even said a word when he  _ moved out _ while still a junior in high school. He's an adult now, any obligation they had to him is done. What are they doing here?

"Uh," Barry says beside him, sounding just as eloquent as Cisco feels, "hi, Mrs. Ramon. We— we've never met. I'm— I'm Barry."

"Don't," Cisco says, not sure which of them he's even talking to. "This— mom, what are you  _ doing  _ here?"

"It's your birthday," she says. "We— we wanted to see you. It's your eighteenth."

"Right, which means you don't have to bother with me anymore," Cisco says, averting his gaze to the birthday banner rather than look at his own parents. "It's— you don't have to worry, okay? I'm paying Joe back for letting me live here and I got—" He swallows. "I got a really big scholarship, so college is taken care of. I don't need anything from you or whatever."

"What?" His father says. "You got a scholarship? To where?"

"My choice," Cisco answers. "It's — Mercury Labs offered to put me through school. I just signed the contract this evening."

When he finally looks up, his parents are staring at each other with absolutely stunned looks on their faces. Probably trying to figure out how his "tinkering" has turned into a scholarship.

"That's—" His mom says. "That's very nice, mijo."

Barry's hand leaves his and Cisco's torn between complaint and relief until it resettles low on Cisco's hip, possessive and protective. Under most other circumstances, Cisco would probably protest; now it's a tangible reminder. He doesn't have to care about their opinion of him anymore. He's someone else's family now. He doesn't belong with his parents, he never has. He belongs with Barry, and with Iris and Joe and — hell, he's feeling generous and the banner really is quite nice — with Eddie, even. Not them.

"Can we— can we speak to you alone, Cisco?" his father asks.

He wants to say no, but then again, what can they really do? They can't make him come home now. Even if they wanted to, he's eighteen. It doesn't matter how much it might bother them that he lives with his boyfriend, they can't do anything to stop him.

"Okay," he says, and starts to take a step forward, but Barry doesn't let go. Cisco turns to face him and whispers, "It's okay, baby."

"No," Barry whispers back fiercely. "I'm not leaving you alone with them."

"I'm fine," Cisco promises. "I'm eighteen now, remember? They can't make me leave you."

"Are you sure?" Barry asks. "Cisco—"

"I'm fine," Cisco assures him, and leans up on his tip toes to press a kiss to Barry's forehead. "I'll be okay."

Barry nods, but his jaw is clenched when Cisco finally steps back far enough to break physical contact. Cisco gives him a soft smile and turns back to his parents, who look as though they've lost the ability to speak.

Squaring his shoulders, Cisco clings tight to the memory of his contract, cloaking himself in it like armor. Something about them showing up on the very day that his talent — what they used to call a waste of time — has secured him not only a free ride to college but the future he wants for himself feels like fortune. How can they bring him down when he's proven them so thoroughly wrong?

He follows them out onto the back porch, where he settles himself in his favorite chair while his parents awkwardly take seats on the swing. They look so out of place here in his home. They don't belong.

They sit in silence for a few minutes while his parents seem to struggle with where to even begin. Finally, his mother asks, "Were you planning on telling us that you  _ weren't _ staying with a friend?"

"Do you care?" He means for it to come off casual, off hand, like it doesn't bother him that his parents have a favorite son and another they barely tolerate. It comes out accusatory instead. Hurt.

"Of course we do," his father cuts in. "We— we thought you were  _ happier _ , Cisco."

"What?"

"We— we know you weren't happy at home," his mother says. "We tried when you were younger, but we just — we don't understand you, mijo. But that doesn't mean we don't  _ care  _ about you. You're our  _ son _ ."

"You would come home from these weekends at Barry's and we—" His father scrubs a hand over his face. His voice sounds unusually wet when he continues to speak. "We didn't even know you  _ could _ be that happy," he says. "You'd been so miserable for so long that it was a relief to see you smile. You think we never tried to make you come home because we didn't care? We didn't try to make you come home because it was clear to all of us that, as unusual as it may be, you were  _ happier _ living with your friend. So we let it continue."

Cisco finds himself so stunned that he can't even speak. He stares at them, open-mouthed, for a full minute before he finally says, for lack of anything else coherent, "He's not my friend. Barry, he's—"

"Yes, about that," his mother says. "You never  _ told _ us that."

"Would you have made me come home if I did?" he asks. "Joe has rules," he continues before they can answer. Granted, they've thoroughly broken the rules at this point, and were in fact planning to break this very night had their plans not been interrupted, but his parents don't need to know that. "It's not like I've been living some kind of— I don't know, wild party life here. I go to school. I do my homework. I help make dinner. It's just… life.  _ Normal _ life. Except that I get to share it with him."

"Since when do you—"

"Always," he interrupts. " _ Always _ . And you can guess the timeline with Barry. I honestly can't believe Dante never told you."

"Your brother knew?"

"And not telling you is the nicest thing he's ever done for me. So don't yell at him for it."

"Cisco, you can't ask us to say we approve of our youngest son shacking up with some boy while he's still only in high school."

He doesn't know what compels him to say it. He's really just digging the hole deeper at this point, but it's the truth and now that this is all being pulled out into the open, he finds that he wants them to know. He wants them to know just how much happier his life is without them in it.

"I'm going to marry him," he says firmly. "He's not 'some boy,' he's your future son-in-law. And we're not 'shacked up,' we're—there's no part of me that's not tangled up in him."

"And Mr. West, he— he doesn't mind his foster son—"

Cisco shrugs. "He loves us. We make each other happy, and that's all he needs to know."

His father puts his head in his hands. Cisco watches him, feeling almost dispassionate about it. There's something like relief in being honest with them, and not having to care about their reactions.

"You're too young," his mother says. "How do you even know—"

"I know," he says simply. He's not even sure what she's asking about — how does he know he likes boys? how does he know he's going to marry Barry? how does he know he's doing the right thing with the contract? — but it doesn't matter. The answer is the same to all three. He just  _ does _ .

"You can't possibly—"

"I do, though," he says firmly. "I've been sure of him since — honestly, I don't even remember. It's been so long that knowing has become a part of me.  And as for approving of us...I didn't ask you to. It's been a long time since I hoped either of you would approve of anything about me. So if you don't, that's fine. Two less place settings we have to worry about for the wedding."

His dad looks like he's about to fume at him, but his mother looks more sad than anything else. It's a look that says that she's finally realized that the rift between them, no matter what any of them do is too wide to ever be healed. He's willing to believe they let him go out of what remains of their parental love, but looking into his mother's eyes, he knows: that was all they had left to give him. He's grateful for it, but there's nothing more any of them can give.

"I think you should go," he says finally. "I don't think we really have anything left to say to each other."

He stays there, silently watching his parents gather themselves and prepare to leave. He doesn't expect some big tearful parting moment or anything, but he's still somehow disappointed when all either of them have to say is, "Goodbye."

He doesn't know how long he stays out there, curled up on his chair and watching the sunset. Long enough that he's started to get cold as evening shifts to night, when Barry finally emerges from the back door and settles down on Cisco's lap. He doesn't say anything, just puts his arms around Cisco and pulls him into a hug. Cisco grips him back tightly, letting himself be comforted by the familiar scent of Barry's skin.

"I'm proud of you," Barry whispers finally. "I don't say that enough and I'm sorry. You've been dealing with something huge and I know you're doing it for both of us. I know that. And some day, we're going to be living in some ridiculously cool house and my dad's going to be out of jail and our family's going to be together and I'm going to look back on how I've been acting and be ashamed. I'm so proud of you, Cisco. I'm proud of how smart you are, and how strong, and how brave. I know it's not the same as your parents being proud of you, but I'm proud enough for both of them."

Cisco looks up at him, leaning into Barry's hand when he reaches out to brush Cisco's hair out of his eyes.

"Please say something," Barry says softly. "I'm not going to ask you if you're okay, but please say something, baby."

Cisco clears his throat and manages a smile. "I am, actually. It's— I'm kind of relieved, actually."

"Oh," Barry says, taken aback. Then, "Do you want to go back to your party? Eddie's in there looking really confused and Iris has had to smack him away from the cake twice."

Cisco laughs. "He deserves some cake. The banner's really nice."

Barry stands up, holding out his hand. "Come on, birthday boy. I want to celebrate how happy I am that you were born."

Cisco takes his hand, smiles, and says, "Actually, you know what? For once...me, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think there will only be one or two more chapters after this, and there's likely to be a time jump between this chapter and the next. Thank you for sticking it out this far!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end.

"Are you sure you want me there?" Cisco asks. "I totally understand if you want to do this alone. After all these years, you two probably have a lot to talk about. Or at least a lot of hugs to make up."

"Of _course_ I want you there," Barry breathes. "Cisco, we _both_ do. Dad even asked me if you were coming. He wants to hug _you_ , too. You _are_ the guy who's getting him out of prison."

"Not _me_ ," Cisco says awkwardly. "It was the lawyers—"

"Paid for by _you_ —"

"—by _us_ , my money is _our_ money, and you _know_ that. And anyway, it wasn't just the lawyers, you're the one who found those DNA tests."

Barry smiles slowly. "Yeah, I did, didn't I?"

Cisco leans over and kisses him on the cheek, careful to keep his eyes on the road. "Yep, you did. So really, I didn't have anything to do with it."

"Yes, you did, but I love that you don't want credit for it. You're my favorite, Cisco Ramon. Have I ever told you that?"

"Frequently, but I always love hearing it." Cisco glances over at him, and clenches his fingers against the steering wheel. "Speaking of which...this is probably the worst time to bring this up, and totally shut me down if you don't want to talk about it, but…"

Barry touches his arm gently, a quiet reassurance that Cisco should feel free to talk about whatever's on his mind. He smiles slightly, and continues, "Well, it's just that we've basically known we were going to get married since we were teenagers, right?"

"Yeah." Barry grins at him fondly.

"But we've waited because you wanted your dad to be there — which is totally understandable, by the way — and finally, he can be. So I guess I'm not asking you _if_ you'll marry me, but _when_. I don't want to wait another second to be Cisco Allen."

"You're going to take my name?" Barry asks, surprised.

"I don't see a reason to keep 'Ramon' given that I haven't spoken to my parents since my eighteenth birthday and I only talk to Dante like once a month. I mean, I'm glad that Dante and I talk. I am, honestly. But I don't exactly feel connected to the idea of the Ramon family. If I do have a family, it's the West-Allen one. It'd be weird, though, for me to change my last name to West-Allen since even you haven't done that and you lived with Joe and Iris way longer than I did. So...yeah, I was going to take your name. Unless you don't want me to."

"No," Barry says quickly. "Baby, of course I do. I guess I just hadn't thought about it. There's not exactly an established custom here. We're only the...what, second? Maybe third generation of same-sex couples who even _could_ get married? So to be honest, it never occurred to me." A small smile slowly crosses his face. "Cisco Allen. Cisco. _Allen_. Oh, I could get used to that. Don't judge me for loving it too much, will you?"

"I guarantee you I love it more, so feel free."

The small smile turns into a full-on grin. "Dad will _love_ it. You're going to get more hugs than me when he hears this. After him trying to get me to change my last name so I wouldn't have to be an Allen anymore, can you imagine him getting out of prison and finding out that you're going to marry into it? He might cry, fair warning."

"We're all going to cry," Cisco points out. "And that's before any of us even starts talking. So...can I take this as a yes? That we're going to set a date for the wedding?"

"Yes. Absolutely. When?"

"If Joe and Iris wouldn't kill us, I'd honestly drive straight from picking up your dad to the courthouse. Oh, and Caitlin. She'd want to be there. And Ronnie. Those are the only ones on my 'absolutely must come' list."

Barry laughs. "Yeah, they'd never forgive us. But I don't really want to make a big thing of it, either, you know? Most people we know kind of just...assume we're already married. Those are really the only people I'd want, too. Just family."

"It probably wouldn't take very long to plan a wedding for only us and five guests, would it? We could do this really soon."

"We could," Barry agrees. "Maybe a month? Plenty of time to do a small private wedding, but it'll also give dad some time to readjust to life outside of prison. I know he'll be happy for us, but I also...well, he might need some space at first, you know? Prison's terrible and it might take him awhile to get used to freedom."

"I hadn't even thought about that," Cisco says. "You're right. I'll see if one of the docs in the psych department at work knows anybody who has experience in working with ex-prisoners. He'll probably need someone to talk to. A professional, I mean."

When Barry doesn't say anything, Cisco glances over at him and finds him sitting there with his hand over his mouth and his eyes a little wet.

"We're not even there yet!" Cisco protests. "Save the crying for when you actually see your dad outside the gates."

"No," Barry says. "Not that. Just...I am so in love with you."

Cisco pulls into the lot outside the prison and slowly comes to a stop. No sooner has he put the car in park than Barry's kissing him fiercely.

"What was that for?" he asks, when Barry pulls back.

"For being— " Barry shakes his head. "For asking me to walk home with you."

Cisco gives him a soft smile and presses a kiss to his forehead.

"Come on, your dad's waiting."

***

"This is really weird," Cisco sighs into the phone. "I haven't gone to bed without you beside me in...what, ten years?"

"Yeah." Barry yawns. "And ridiculous, anyway. Neither one of us is a bride."

"It's the tradition that counts," somebody on Barry's end calls out. Iris, he thinks. "Let us have our fun!"

"If she thinks she's preserving our virginities by keeping us apart tonight," Cisco laughs, "I've got some news for her."

"My dad's in the room," Barry mutters. "You're lucky you're not on speakerphone."

"I'm pretty sure he knows, too," Cisco teases.

Barry sighs. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too, baby."

"Are you nervous?"

"Nah. We've practically been engaged since we were seventeen. Not like the idea of spending the rest of my life with you is anything new." He leans back against the pillows, body automatically curling towards Barry's side. He knows they survived six years of living apart while he got his education, but at the moment he can't imagine how; their bed feels big and lonely tonight without Barry in it.

"Me either," Barry admits. "Aren't we supposed to be having second thoughts or something?"

"You can if you want," Cisco offers. "But frankly I'd have married you as soon as you turned eighteen, if I didn't know you wanted to wait until your dad was out of prison so he could be at the wedding."

"Yeah. That's…" There's a pause, then Barry laughs. "Dad says we're not allowed to have second thoughts because it's about time we made honest men out of each other." He can hear movement on the other end of the line, and a moment later a door shutting. Barry must've moved to a more secluded part of the house. "You should see him, Cisco. I think he's happier now than he was on the day he got out of prison, and that's saying something."

"He loves you."

"He loves _us_ ," Barry corrects.

Cisco smiles and tugs at the hem of his shirt. Barry's shirt, actually, an old button up that's gone faded from being washed too many times and consequently been retired from Barry's work wardrobe. It still smells faintly of him but wearing it now Cisco finds that the scent, rather than offering comfort, just makes him miss Barry even more.

"Have you thought about what you're going to say?" Cisco asks. "For your vows?"

"Sort of," Barry sighs. "I tried writing something down, but it just came out all...stiff and rehearsed. I thought it might come easier if I was actually saying it _to_ you, so...don't hate me if everything comes out jumbled tomorrow."

"I could never," Cisco assures him. "But hey, try it now. Nobody watching, just us."

"Well," Barry says slowly. "Okay, but no laughing if I'm terrible at this."

"As much as you love to give cheesy speeches? Come on, baby. You'll be great."

Barry snorts. "You know just how to flatter a guy. Alright. So I just...start?"

"When you're ready."

There's a brief pause, then Barry begins, almost a whisper, "You and I used to have this thing we would say to each other when people tried to tell us we were too young to know we were going to get married. 'I'm sure of you.' I don't remember which of us started saying it, but it became this code phrase between us. This...reminder, I guess, or maybe a promise, that our relationship was built to last and it wasn't going anywhere.

"I've known and loved you since I was sixteen years old. You know me better than I know myself and there's no part of me that's stayed hidden. You watched — and helped — me grow into a man. You taught me how to be a partner. So much of my life is what it is because of you.

"I don't believe in love at first sight, I don't believe in destiny, and I don't believe soulmates. I believe in making choices. In choosing every day to continue loving you and to share myself with you. So that's my promise. I promise to continue to choose you every day because in my entire life, the only thing I've ever been _sure_ of is you."

Cisco feels like all the air's been sucked out of the bedroom. "Barry," he gasps, voice tight. "Baby—"

"Was that okay?"

"That was perfect," Cisco breathes. "Say it just like that tomorrow."

"Okay. What about you? Do yours."

It takes Cisco a minute or two to recover enough to start his own, but after that he digs them out of the pocket of his tux and settles back down on the bed to read them out.

"When I was a kid, I asked my older brother what love was like. He was ten at the time, so naturally he was very wise. He told me that love was like finding your favorite person in the whole world, and then calling dibs.

"I wasn't looking for my favorite person that day I asked you to walk home together. I wasn't even looking for a person I really liked. Believe it or not, I never actually meant to fall in love with you. I just...saw something, some echo of my own loneliness and confusion, and I reached out with both hands.

"No one was more surprised than I was when you took them with both of yours.

"I don't think I've ever told you this, but I don't think I'd be where I am today without you, Barry. Not just because you love me, although that's a big part of it. Your presence in my life brought me a home. A family. Something to work for. Suddenly it wasn't just _my_ future on the line, it was _ours_. Sharing my life with you gave me a purpose right when I needed one most.

"Since our lives became our _life_ , I've done my best to do right by you. It's a choice I make every day, to entangle my life ever more inextricably with yours. You're my favorite, Barry. You have been since we were kids. This wedding is just an official register of my dib."

Barry laughs, a little wet-sounding. "God, I wish I was there with you."

"Think tomorrow we'll be able to pretend we've never heard them before?"

"I don't care," Barry answers. "It's not really for us, anyway. It's for them. We've known we were married since we were teenagers." There's a pause during which there's a scraping sound at the mouthpiece on Barry's end, then he returns to the conversation and says, "Sorry, Dad wants me to come back in the living room. He says he has marriage advice he wants to give me." He sighs. "Did I ever tell you about the time he tried to give me the sex talk when he found out we were dating? This is probably going to be like that all over again."

Cisco laughs. "Sorry, baby. Tell him hi from me, and that I'd like him to not kill my husband with embarrassment before we can actually get married."

"Will do," Barry says, a little gloomily. "I love you. See you tomorrow? You're not allowed to get cold feet and walk out on me."

"Of course you'll see me tomorrow," Cisco promises. "I love you, too. Try to get some sleep, it's going to be a long day."

"And a long night," Barry adds mischievously. Cisco snickers.

"Go before your dad starts in on the talk while I'm still on the phone and then I have to listen to it, too."

"Yeah, alright. Good night, future Mr. Allen."

"Goodnight, current Mr. Allen."

Barry laughs and Cisco lets the comfort of it carry him off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for indulging my ace-spectrum trash self with this story. It's been a long hiatus, hasn't it?


End file.
